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[Harry's P.O.V]

Its been getting worse.                                                                   Nothing can stop it this time                                                                                      Being alone is all i can do.  

I lay on the stiff hotel mattress as i watch the ceiling blades move in a circle over and over until i feel as if i am about to Puke up last weeks lunch. I turn off the bed side lamp and crawl under the bulky comforter laying with just my thoughts, they always say its never good to just be alone with your thoughts. Yet i feel as if its the best kind of therapy because i cant get mad at myself, i can only reason with my self. Rather than if i went to a therapy office laid on the couch and told him about  when my cat died when i was three, and have him say that effected my whole life's outcome.

NO. i don't need that shit, all i need is to be alone, left to be, if i die i die, if i don't then i am around another day on this shitty planet.

That's how my mind has been working the past few months...all i can think about is the sweet agony of death, a bullet to my head, a knife to my neck, my body meeting the ground as i jump of a bridge in the dead of the night making sure not to disturb any one of their day. Just drift away silently in the middle of the night no one knowing, or even having a thought that i wouldn't be there when they woke up.

And thats how the rest of my night went basically laying in bed contemplating death, should i do it tonight and just get it over with, or should i wait? They always say when you wait something better will happen that will pull you out of the shadows, but i am not sure if that's going to happen any time soon, and i don't know how much longer i can wait.

The next time i look at my phone its 2 in the morning and i have: 10 missed calls,20 text messages, 2,456 twitter notifications, and 1,277 instagram notifications. i scroll though twitter first most of the tweets read.

-FOLLOW ME!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU

-YOUR SO HOT, FUCK ME!!!

-TWEET SOMETHING ABOUT LARRY #LarryFTW

then there is the other side of the fandom the...anti-fandom i guess.

-harry styles is so ugly he doesn't deserve breath to breath.

i completely agree, i almost retweet it but decide against it.

-WHY CANT HARRY SEE WE ALL HATE HIM, HE IS JUST  A WOMANIZER WHO DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYONE. HOPE HE ROTS IN HELL.

-FUCK LIFE

I find myself favoriting this one as i exit twitter and check my texts.

PAUL- Remember we have a interview tomorrow at 8 in the morning plz be ready by 7 sent-9:30

(3)IRISH FUCK- HEY! sent-9:34              

HELLLLOOOOO sent-10:17

Night man:/ sent 11:45           

(5) LOU LOU

I shut my phone off before reading through Louis texts, i don't need to hear how i am such a fuck up from him. Not that that's what he would have texted me, he is one of my best mates but..i don't know the last few months I've felt as if we have grown apart. I set my phone on my bed side table and turn the lamp on grabbing my laptop. I've heard a lot about this site called tumblr, and how you can basically rant and people will comment on how they understand and that they are there to talk. maybe i should make a account, no one would no it was me, well it would be me, the real me. But they wouldnt change their thoughts on me because i was famous be cause they wouldn't know.

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                    USERNAME- CleverUsername.           I smile at the cleverness of my name.

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I have to be up in 4 and a half hours and here I am searching Google for a profile pic for my tumblr.