Silent Scream

Trigger warning: strong familial issues. Please be careful- I think I scarred my teacher with this text-

I sit in my room, alone in the dark. The white walls, now a pale gray, computer on my lap and earbuds in my ears.

I'm caught up in your expectations.

I play my music on mac, trying to block out the screams outside my door.

All I hear is knocking and screaming, almost, just almost, drowned out by the music.

You're trying to make me live your dream.

I silently sing along. I try to focus on the lyrics, to block it all out.

A bottle breaks outside my door, mum is drunk again. "Answer me!" She screams.

I ignore it, maybe it will all go away.

But I'm causing you so much frustration and you only want the best for me.

The yelling continues, it's night now.

Dad's not here anymore, it's been like this since he left us. Since he...

No! Don't think about it! It'll only get worse.

You wanted me to show more interests,

I'm never good enough for mum, "You got a C on the test! That's unacceptable!!", "Where is the dinner? You're supposed to make dinner!"

To always keep a big bright smile.

"I always have to make dinner" I think morbidly. "I'm always the one who has to work"

But the worst thing she says is "If your dad was here"

Be that pinky little perfect princess,

If dad was here, he would have stopped this. When he was here, mum didn't come home late at night, wasted and furious. If dad was home, I wouldn't have to listen to mum's screams of me not being good enough.

But I'm not that type of child.

My hands are shaking, and I try to shut it out. I didn't even notice the tears before they were dripping off my chin.

And this storm is rising inside of me, don't you feel that our whole worlds collide?

With salty tears running, mum yelling and music blasting in my ears, my eyes start to droop.

Mum's screams get quieter.

"She's probably passed out on the couch like always" I mutter.

It's getting harder to breathe

I lay there, hugging my feet to my chest and my face buried between my knees.

It hurts deep inside

At that, everything turns black and I disappear into the realm of sleep, peaceful and unknowing of tomorrow.

-Inspired by Anna Blue's Silent Scream