Mindless

Usually I would love this. After all, isn't this what I want? A blissful peace when my thoughts have ceased their endless fliting. The white hot rage and the stinging sadness were motionless, not registering inside my brain. The only movement was the steady beating of my heart and the slow inhale and exhale of my breathing. Isn't that what I wanted? A moment, if only for a few wonderful seconds, of peace? I suppose I did. But even now the medicine can't stop my thoughts. After all, I'm thinking this.

Three hours earlier
An ad was on the outside of the door of my doctor's office.
Volunteers for the mind numbing experiment needed.
This experiment is to slow the registration of thoughts so you can take in the moment in time, and be at peace for a few moments. This is just an experimental trial, however, it could be used in the future to progress medicine and technology.

Present Time
There was a one percent chance. One percent. One percent chance that the numbing might work too well and paralyze you completely, expect your subconscious. And I wanted that to happen. But what I didn't count on was that when you allow your brain to wander aimlessly into caverns of your mind that you have never been too, you find what wasn't meant to be found.

You find the nightmares that make you wake up screaming in a cold sweat, clammy and shaky, the visions of terror imprinted in your eyes. You find the part of your mind that creates your wildest hopes, only to push you back to reality as the visions of grandeur are snatched from your grasp. This treatment let me go into the parts of my mind that were never meant to be found, and when the effects of the medicine wear off, I will have gone mad. My teenage mind: a caterpillar, stuck in its cocoon, taking on the form of whatever is in between small and beautiful.