Destiel || one-shot collection

.:Burnt:.

    Dean ran his fingers along the burns on his chest, mind drifting to a place he didn't want to think about anymore. He could still hear his voice, his yells, his pleas. He could still see the blood and smell the death that surrounded them. He closed his eyes as the memories began to take over his head. He felt himself losing all sense of reality as he went back to that room. To that horrid horrid room. 

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    He ran as fast as he could toward the building. He was out of breath and his lungs were aching, but he didn't slow down. Sam wasn't far behind, yelling out his brother's name, pleading for him to slow down, to think for just a second. Dean, of course, didn't listen, his mind was set on one thing. And that was saving Cas. He should've never yelled at him, gotten angry at him. He should've remembered that Cas was doing it all for them. He did everything for them. But Dean got angry too quickly, he got angry because he cared so deeply for Castiel and whenever he disappeared, it took a huge toll on him. When he returned, instead of showing gratefulness and care, all he did was get mad. And, honestly, he hated himself for that. He hated that he was the reason he even had to save Cas in the first place, if he just stayed calm, they'd all be doing this together. Once he got to the door, he slowed down, Just enough for Sam to catch up to him. 

"Dean, listen to me. We need to think this through, we have no idea how many angels are in there. We need to be careful about this." He spoke in a calm, soft voice, trying to catch his breath. 

Dean didn't face him, hand on the door handle now. He looked to the ground, letting out a sigh. "I have to save him, Sammy. I can't let him die. I couldn't forgive myself." He glanced at him over his shoulder and opened the door before Sam could stop him. He went in and stopped. The building wasn't what he expected. It was dark and empty, but not quiet. The sounds of Castiel's groans echoed off the damaged walls. Dean felt his heart start racing as he followed the noises, completely closing out everything else around him. 

    He got to the room the sounds of pain were coming from, he peeked in, and there he was, his angel, lying on the ground. His clothes were torn to pieces, covered in his blood, and the blood of the angels he had killed. Dean stared for a second before regaining control of his feet and running to him. 

"Cas? Cas?!" he kneeled beside him, picking him up and leaning him against his legs. "Hey, hey buddy, look at me." He stared at the man's face, completely busted up, nearly unrecognizable. 

Castiel's eyes opened a bit, looking up at him. "Dean," he coughed a bit, wheezing when he breathed in, "Dean...I..." he couldn't form the words, he couldn' think. He could feel himself deteriorating from the inside out. He wasn't expecting there to be so many angels, he wasn't prepared for the poison they had, a poison he couldn't protect himself from. "I'm sorry, Dean..." He looked away from the hunter, he could bear to look at him. Couldn't bear to see the pain he put him in. 

Dean shook his head, making Cas face him. "No, no. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was angry at you, I'm sorry I yelled and made you leave." Tears were welling up in his eyes. "We can fix this, we'll make you good as new." He looked over at Sam who was standing in the doorway, just watching. He wasn't sure what to do. "Come over here and help me lift him." Dean tried to stand with the man in his arms, failing. He was too exhausted and Castiel was too heavy for him to carry alone. 

"Dean, enough. You can't stop this." Castiel put a hand on his chest, grunting as Dean tried to lift him. "It's a poison, something no one can reverse except the angel who made it." He looked at him, panting. "It's over..." 

"Damn it, Cas, it's not! We always find a way out, we always survive." He watched as Sam came over, kneeling beside him as well. Castiel groaned a bit, blood coming out of his mouth when he coughed. The poison surged through his body, at its final stage of killing him. He pushed at Dean's chest, feeling himself getting close to the edge. "Dean...let go. Please let go." He knew what would happen if he didn't. The scar it would leave, the pain. He didn't want Dean to remember him that way, as something agonizing. 

He looks at him, bringing a hand up, placing it on Dean's cheek. "I forgive you, Dean. I will always forgive you." He dropped his hand, looking to Sam. "I love you," he looked back to Dean. "Both of you. You're my family, and I'll always be thankful for that." He tried to get out of Dean's hold. "Now, please, let go of me, Dean." Dean shook his head,  a tear rolling down his cheek. "I won't...we'll fix this...we will." He tried to lift him up again, Sam slowly getting to his feet to help. Cas could feel himself shutting down, he was going limp. He used his last bit of strength to weakly shove at Dean's chest, trying one last time to keep him from being scarred. 

As Dean got to his feet, a bright light flashed and an excruciating pain swept through his chest. He dropped Cas' lifeless body and fell to his knees, groaning as he gripped his chest. His ears were ringing, his chest was burning. He moved his hand away, looking at the charred fabric and his skin. He looked up to Sam and that was the last thing he remembered. 

The next few weeks went by in a blur, Dean had completely shut down. He said nothing at the burial, he stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped talking. Sam felt hopeless, lost. He called Jody and Donna over and they stayed for a couple of days, helping Sam clean up and take care of things around the bunker. Sam tried his best to help Dean, did all that he could. He knew he shouldn't pry, but he did it anyway. 

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Dean opened his eyes when he heard knocking on the door and the faint sound of Sam's voice. He unclenched his hands from the sink and turned away from the mirror. He couldn't stand looking at himself. He couldn't look at the man that killed his best friend. He was haunted by it, it was all he dreamt about, all he thought about. And he had a constant reminder of it on his skin, a scar shaped like part Castiel's wing. A constant reminder of the fact that he killed his best friend. 

Sam looked at the door, knocking again. "Dean? are you okay?" Sam worried that Dean might try something, my try to take his own life due to the overwhelming guilt he felt. "Dean, please open the door...please talk to me. I can't lose you too." He'd been trying so hard not to break, trying to hide his own pain so he could be there for Dean. He stepped back when the door opened and Dean stepped out, looking at him.

 "There's nothing to talk about, Sam." His voice was cold, tired. 

"There is, Dean. You're killing yourself, why won't you talk to me?" Sam watched him, feeling completely lost. 

"Maybe I deserve it, I killed Cas." Dean started walking to his room, Sam following. 

"it wasn't your fault, Dean. You can't blame yourself." 

Dean was getting irritated, he didn't want to be reminded of him. He didn't want to think about what happened ever again. 

"Enough, sam." His voice was stern, but Sam didn't care. He continued to pry, to push. He just wanted Dean to open up, to get better. 

"He was our friend, Dean, hell, he was your best friend. He wouldn't blame you for this. We were his fam-"

"I loved him, Sam!" Dean's voice was full of rage and pain as he yelled. He turned to face him, hands shaking, tears already falling from his eyes. 

"I loved him...and I never got to tell him that. I never got to tell him how thankful I was for him or-or how much he helped me...I-" He didn't get to finish the sentence before Sam hugged him, he hugged him as tightly as he could. Dean leaned into him, sobbing into his shoulder.                      "I loved him so much, Sam..." Sam nodded, letting his brother cry against him. "I know, I always knew." 

Dean just nodded, not able to talk through the sobs anymore. Sam let him, just holding him as they stood in the bunker hallway. 

Word count: 1504

I haven't written anything in a hot minute, so I'm not expecting this to be good. Please, if you have any critiques, let me know! I'm completely open to criticism!

~XOXO Miss cousin IT