As I make my way through the halls to my next period, I try to ignore the stares. People knew about my mom. They new what she did. They were just waiting for the day when I snapped and I would do the same. But I wasn't her. Far from it.
Between trying to avoid the people looking down on me and thinking pointlessly to myself I fell to the ground with a small grunt.
"Sorry 'bout that." My gaze fell upon a tall and muscular boy helping me to my feet. He held out my iPod that had dropped out of my pocket in the process of the fall. "My Chemical Romance? Nice." I quickly take the iPod looking into his sparkling eyes. I try to say thanks but a dam was holding back the river that was my words.
I had stopped speaking. There was nothing to say. The only person I ever talked to was my niece London. She's six. So even then I have never had a full conversation with anyone in months. When I did speak, I only ever said enough words that I could count on one hand.
"I'm Ty, Ty Kayl." The boy, who was too perfectly built and chiseled to be a boy said, holding out his hand. I felt a panic attack coming on. Without thinking I turned and walked away. I never saw Ty again after that.
I ran to the bathroom and pulled out a bottle pills. I poured some in my hand and popped them. Within minutes I felt my nerves and heart rate reduce. I knew after that episode I wouldn't make it through the rest of the day. My mind would just keep on rewinding the whole thing. The thing were I choked up and panicked and ran away like scared little girl. But was I not?
I walked home. It was to cold to be walking. But the burning sensation the air brought to me was relaxing. Painfully relaxing. It calmed me. So much to the point where my mind started to drift. I open the door to my house and walk through. My brother's wife, Kassidy, and daughter London where sitting in the living room watching the Little Mermaid. Kassidy turned around and gave me a pity smile.
"Hmm, that bad?" I didn't say anything. "Well, since you're home. Do you want to sit and watch the Little Mermaid with us?" London turned around and gave me a big cheesy smile. That smile of hers never failed to put a spark of light in my day.
I give a half smile towards London. "Sorry, Londy but I'm tired." I look at Kassidy. "Imma head up stairs and take a nap."
Kassidy frowned. "Alright, if you need anything just ask." I wasn't going to need her for anything.
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I woke up a few hours later. I went to go take a shower and take some more meds. I've lost count of how many different kinds of pills I take daily.
I go down the steps. A waft of tomato sauce and garlic hits my nose. I almost puke. The thought of food made my dry-heave, the smell kills me. I don't remember the last time I ate something and it had stayed down. Thinking about it started to give me a headache so I stopped. Pushed it the side with the rest of the things I don't give a fuck about anymore.
"Want some spaghetti?" Kassidy asked. I shook my head no. "Well, I make extra just in case." I nodded. "Dylan's going to be home soon. Him and I were gonna go out after dinner. Would you mind watching London for a couple of hours?"
"Sure." I managed to say. At that time my brother walked through the front door.
"Mmm, smells good in here!" He exclaimed while shedding his winter coat. Dylan was someone who was kind, generous, and all the round beautiful, but his giant size made him look like a monster. Pity for him.
"And how's Stella today?" He pulled me into a side hug. I gave him a look saying "are you kidding?" "Hmm, did you go to school today?"
"She did for a bit. Longer then usual." Kassidy answered for me. "Progress!" She said like I had just received a participation medal. My brother wasn't impressed.
"Stella you need to start going to school. It's been months! There's nothing I can do about mom or dad! You're living in a nice home, you have a family and an education that's reaching out to you! You need to stop acting like a child and take some responsibilities!" Dylan said, getting irritated.
That's when I snapped.
"Really Dylan? You left us! After high school you moved thousands of miles away and never called once! In 6 years! You knew the state mom was in and didn't bother to even text to see how she was doing! You say I'm the one acting like a child? You ran away! From everything!" I was in tears at this point.
The dam inside me had not just cracked but full on crashed down into rubble and when I looked into the eyes of London, I saw fear. That's whenturned and ran. I ran to my room and slammed the door. What have I become?
