Dear Taeyeon, last week completed a month since you left this plane and a month since I started writing this diary for you. Y'know, Fany called me crazy yesterday when I told her I was writing a diary for you, but I can't help feeling that, somehow, you can see what I'm writing.
Today is your birthday. Do you remember how we used to travel to Busan and spend the day at the beach to scape from reality every year on your birthday? Today I caught myself thinking about that; about that year when we bought a blue cake and your mouth got all blue and you turned to me with that cute confused face of yours when I started laughing.
I miss you so much, love. Ms. Seo told me that this feeling of emptiness would disappear after some time, but I feel like it will stay with me forever; I mean, it's not like I'll ever forget you or all that we lived and learned together. That were the best eight years of my life and if I could turn back time and change things, I'd still choose to meet you on that friday night at the bar.
It was 2012 and you were so beautiful with that short black dress and high heels that were obviously bothering you by the look on your face. You came to me with a shy expression, not as shy as mine, and we talked all night like we knew each other since forever.
At the end of the night you asked for my number and I remember being a little worried about giving my personal number to a girl I'd just met, but you know how you can be manipulative and I ended the night looking for a piece of paper and a pen to write it down.
A week after we've met, you came to my store looking for new glasses (I still have my doubts that this encounter was really by chance, by the way) and somehow you found a way to get me out of a meeting to go to a restaurant with you.
Soon after, we started dating. You proposed to me in front of my favorite museum and I was so embarrassed by all those people looking at us that I couldn't formulate a proper answer. Instead, I ran away and you stood there, with a sad and confused face while those people looked at you in shock.
I'm so sorry for that, love.
I looked for you as soon as I noticed what I had done and I found you at the park, sitting on a bank with a cute little pout on your lips.
I'll never forget your face when I finally said yes; you looked confused, then smiled and finaly cried hugging me tightly. I hugged you back and, at that moment, we had our first kiss.
We were so perfect that even the gods envied us. I think that's why they took you from me.
The beginning of the end was on a wednesday night. It was the third month since we moved and started living together. That night you weren't feeling so well, but you didn't tell me.
Why didn't you tell me?
You went to sleep earlier that night and, when I asked you what was wrong, you told me it was nothing to worry about.
Five days later we were at the hospital. The doctors said that you probably had dengue fever, due to the aches and stains all over your body, but It was too soon to tell precisely what it was, so they prescribed you some medications and we went home.
After that day you stopped talking to me about this subject for good.
Every time I asked you, you'd say: "It's just another dengue fever symptom, Sica. Don't worry about that!".
Why did I listen to you?!
It didn't take long for you to get worse. We went back to the hospital, but this time we didn't leave.
A doctor took me out of your room to tell the thing that would change our lives forever: you had Gaucher disease type 2. A rare disease with no cure and, going against most cases, you were at the advanced level of it, with only 26 years.
It was long five years in that hospital, but you never gave up hope of being cured.
We decided to marry a year after your hospital internment. The nurses helped us prepare a simple but beautiful wedding ceremony. You entered the room with the help of a nurse; you were so beautiful in that white long dress and at that moment I thought to myself: "how lucky I am to have the most beautiful woman in the world as my wife".
Three years went by and in one afternoon you got really worse. You weren't already feeling great throughout the whole week, but I was so sure that It was only a relapse.
When the doctors told me that you only had a few more hours, my whole world collapsed.
I stood by your side every single second of that hours and, when your time came, I kissed you and said goodbye
Don't think I regret any of my decisions. I don't! And if I could choose any reality to live on my next life, I'd still choose a reality where I could be with you, even if you had another disease or didn't have a leg lol (you'd still be stunning without one by the way), because you showed me what it's like to love and to be loved with the same intensity, because you taught me how beautiful life can be, even in the most atrocious times, because you showed me a world that surpasses the infinite barrier.
Happy birthday, my love!
- Yours and yours forerer, Sica.
YOU ARE READING
The Memory Of You • Taengsic | Oneshot
Fanfiction"It's been a month since I don't hear your voice; a month since I don't see your face; a month since you were gone." Jessica decides to write a diary to her late wife to vent about the past. - Sad!fic
