i'm your a to z | jihancheol

moving on

chapter 32

As he walked around the convenience store looking for the strawberry milk, Jeonghan couldn't help but wonder what was going on between his two friends. It's not as if he was jealous -again, he never got jealous- just surprised when he saw how close the two had suddenly become. Of course, he was happy for Joshua since he knew without a doubt, his best friend liked Seungcheol and had been wanting to get close to him.

But Jeonghan couldn't help but wonder if that would mean they'd stop paying attention to him.

"Jeonghan?" someone called from behind him as he was getting the strawberry milk from the fridge.

The man turned to face Lee Jihoon. He hadn't expected to see the man again and he didn't really want to. He thought he'd fall into another spiral if he did. Much to his surprise, he felt nothing.

It had confused him: he wasn't hurt anymore nor did the memories flowing in affect him. Had he learned to move on?

"Hello," he greeted with a small smile.

"Didn't expect to see you around here again," the shorter man muttered. "Do you live here now?"

Jeonghan stared at his ex-boyfriend, not knowing what answer to give. He realized he wasn't officially living with Seungcheol but he hadn't been kicked out for a few weeks. Also, wouldn't Jihoon know not to ask about his living conditions? Had he forgotten Jeonghan's situation so quickly?

"Actually nevermind, it's nice seeing you again."

Jeonghan had to hold back a scoff and began to walk to the counter, getting a bag of salted potato chips for Joshua and barbeque ones, as well as a coffee for Seungcheol on the way. He only gave a nod in reply to Jihoon as he paid for the items (using Seungcheol's money of course -or Seungcheol's daddy's money, he thought with a sneer).

Jihoon had said something else but the elder couldn't quite understand it, neither did he care, and instead only walked out of the store. With bag in hand and strawberry milk in the other, he happily walked back to Seungcheol's house. Maybe it was a nice day after all.

"Hey hets, I'm home!" he exclaimed when he went through the door, ignoring the fact that no one in the house was straight. He placed the bag of chips on the kitchen counter and his milk in the fridge, sort of suspicious at the lack of a response. The man began to walk around, in search of another human until standing in front of Joshua's room, noticing his best friend was staring up at the ceiling.

"Joshuji?" he called slightly concerned. "You okay?"

"No," the American finally answered. "I think I messed everything up."

"Hm?" Jeonghan questioned and walked into the room.

"With Seungcheol, I couldn't hold back from telling him," he spoke with a sigh as he sat up and Jeonghan didn't even have to question what he meant.

"Did he like... reject you or something?"

"I, uh, I sort of just ran away after telling him."

Jeonghan, don't laugh, he told himself and tried his hardest to keep a straight face despite the image of Joshua being a coward.

"How am I supposed to face him now?" he whined and buried his face into a pillow.

"Knowing him, he'll pretend it never happened, you'll be fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Mostly."

"That's very reassuring," Joshua sarcastically spoke. "Like I know he doesn't feel the same, why did I tell him?"

Jeonghan shrugged, not being one who ever confessed. He wouldn't know. All he could do was pat his friend's back and reassure him things would be alright. Sure, maybe Seungcheol would be awkward but it wouldn't be for long. It's not like anyone would act weird.

As he was leaving, he wondered if it was weird to be comforting a possible crush about their crush.

Jeonghan wasn't one to deny his crushes, they were just confusing at first.

Of course, he liked Joshua, he was a lot like himself as well as kind and good at reassurance. And on top of that, he was very attractive and had a big-

Jeonghan stopped himself from remembering that, it felt weird to sexualize his best friend. Hands, he had big hands yes.

Meanwhile, his other possible crush on the other hand...

Jeonghan knew it was normal to crush on more than one person at a time. Uncommon in most people, sure but it wasn't wrong. He wasn't a monogamist, he had known that for a while. Yet it was confusing every time.

He didn't really know what he saw in Seungcheol, to be quite honest. Sure, he may have been physically attractive and had a nice build. The man was always angry, despite whatever Joshua said about him trying to cover something up. But every once in a while, the Seungcheol he knew from high school would show and make his heart melt. He never really had any sort of romantic attraction towards the boy during school but thinking back on it, he may have found him cute.

He knew Seungcheol had changed, why was he still thinking of the past him? The Seungcheol who always yelled at him, despite caring for him only when necessary, wasn't the same as the Seungcheol who'd fought for him or hung out with in high school.

As he was thinking, he began to wonder: how did Seungcheol feel about him back then?

He remembered and recognized Jeonghan after years.

He had his laptop password set to Jeonghan's birthday.

"What did I ever see in you?" he'd asked, even if it was jokingly.

Oh god, Yoon Jeonghan was dense.