Why do I feel sad ? I don't always feel sad most people think I'm cheerful, but honestly i always feel like I'm one second from breaking down.
I have trust issues, but doesn't everyone I'm not sure when it started but i think i have a clue maybe its started the day of my birthday party when my dad showed up for 5 minutes just to tell me he was gonna get busy playing for a gig im not gonna lie i was sad but i knew he needed the money . So i got over it but after that my dad stopped coming as much he went from coming 3 to 4 days to maybe 1 every 2 weeks to not coming for months . My mom and I were not very close i mean she's my mom i love her but there was always a reason to get mad at me I didn't get why . I never got bad grades? I did chores ? I would help with my siblings? I never did anything bad ? I wasn't rude ? maybe the arguments caused me to miss my dad more when he finally came back and started visiting us again I was super happy. During that time my neighbor had an affair i know it sound random but its part of my story i remember the day mom told me she saw my dad with another women it broke me i thought she was lying and just making things up but a part of me thought it was true then one day i was sitting on my moms van with my dad and mom talking then my mom mentioned the neighbor and the affair and how awful it was she was i couldn't believe she said that because i knew she was saying it to my dad that day we went o my dads house on the drive i sat in the back of the car trying to hold my tears because i couldn't look at him the same way he was a different man . That night i remember only thinking about how we were living in a small crowded house my mother sister brother and me all sharing one room since we were living with my moms sister in a trailer home with only 2 rooms while when we went with my dad to his home we would sleep in a rv all crowded and always made us feel guilty when in reality he was living with another woman and her daughter in a house having a good life an would only stay in the rv when we came which was rare.
I'm sorry I know I'm not good and I'm not trying to write a perfect story i just want to talk to someone but since i can't i just feel like this the best second option
