Choosing Happiness

Prologue

"How to gain, how to keep, how to recover happiness, is in fact for most people at all times the secret motive for all they do and all they are willing to endure"

- William James

"You keep on reading and writing that qoute ever since, hindi ka ba napapagod?" - I place the sticky note that I made again this day in my study table and the other one in the wall.

"You know what, sa lahat ng naexperience ko, have you ever heard of me complaining that I'm tired? It was my therapy reading that note, writing it and place it in a wall or even my table because that makes me remember that it's not too late to be happy"

I sat on the bed get my phone and took a picture of it, its overwhelming sa wakas natapos ko na rin, my sticky note it was in a heart shape with different designs.

"I'm just concern Astra, baka sa sobrang kasiyahan na nararamdaman mo ilipat ka sa mental hospital." - she laughed and sit on the chair infront of me.

"I'm not that stupid na kausapin mag isa sarili ko and tumawa mag isa, what I mean of being happy is acceptance,  tinanggap ko na sa sarili ko na I will end up like this and I will die like this" - humiga na ko sa kama and close my eyes.

" Die like this? You won't die like this, and I was just kidding earlier, are you okay? Napagod ka ba ng sobra? Should I call the doctor?"

"I'm fine Ate, I just want to close my eyes and I need piece of mind" -as if there's a cure to this disease.

"So are you saying that I'm too noisy?" - I open my eyes and hinarap ko siya.

" Lagi naman, tuwing pumupunta ka dito, if you're not crying nanenermon ka naman, relax Ate I'm just enjoying my stay here, in this four corners of the room.  In this dark and off space room"

"I'm sorry Astra I have work this day, nag  half day lang ako ngayon kasi dinalaw kita, I'm wondering kung ano na naman pinag gagagawa mo" - she stand up and reach for the tube that is connected to my hand.

"Ate how was Mom and Dad?, I hope they will visit me, atleast once a month or year or even just a second" - I miss them a lot.

"Masakit ba? Itong mga nakadikit sayo? How are you feeling? Or should I get you a new room yung spacious." - she avoided my question again, nothing change after all.

"I want to sleep, pumunta ka na sa trabaho mo, baka mapagalitan ka pa because of me, take care" - I face  my left side and close my eyes, again.

"I will always be here for you no matter what, take a rest, babalik ako mamaya, sabay tayong magddinner, i love you Astra" - she kissed my forehead and then left me alone, again.

Nang maramdaman kong nakaalis na sya, bumangon na ako sa kama inalis yung mga nakakabit sa katawan , I even change my clothes and put a mask on.

Sumakay na ako sa elevator and pinindot ang 3rd floor kung nasaan yung mga naka admit na batang pasyente with the same disease as I have.

"Hi Astra" - a nurse waved at me.

I nodded at her and continued walking.

"Ate Astra" - a boy pulling my shirt off and was holding a stuff toy.

"Hi Tobi" - I bend down and pinch his chubby cheeks.

"Umalis si mama bibili daw ng foods, she told me that I will stay in my room but I'm afraid"

"Don't be afraid of being alone, always remember that God is with you so there's no reason to be afraid, okay?" - he smiled and again pulled me.