So Into You

CHAPTER 11

My eyes open Sunday morning and I feel like I've been run over by a truck, that's how heavy my heart feels. I mean what did I expect really. Coming to terms with the fact that I'm falling in love with Harry isn't easy. I pride myself on being able to control and hide my emotions, but lately, it just feels like I'm a mess. I feel like I'm holding so much in and I have to get it all out. I'm lying to myself and my friends.

I turn my phone back on, and the first message that comes in is from Harry.

Can we talk, please? What more is there to say?

I think you said everything you needed to say last night. I reply, I know I'm being petty right now, but I'm hurt, and this is the only way I know to protect myself.

I know, I fucked up. Please just talk to me. I do want to talk to him, we can't keep going back and forth, it's either he wants something with me, or he doesn't. I'd rather get it all out in the open than be left wondering what if.

Sure.

I'll come to pick you up; we can go for a drive.

I leave my room to brush my teeth before he gets here, and I bump into Niamh.

"Morning babes." She greets me

"Morning"

"You okay?" she always knows when something is up.

"Yeah, I am. Still a bit tired," the lies come so quickly now.

"I thought you'd be asleep longer, to be honest. What time did you get home?"

"Just before ten, but then I crashed early."

"I see. Well I'm making pancakes, do you want some?"

"Save me some. I have to meet Harry for a bit."

"Sounds good then." When she doesn't press me for a reason, I'm pleasantly surprised. I guess she thinks I'll talk about it when I'm ready. Iris wouldn't have let me leave till she got answers.

I quickly brush my teeth and secure my bun. I change into a hoodie and leggings. I really can't be bothered right now. I'm in a severe funk. He texts me to let me know he's here, and I mentally prepare myself for the outcome of our talk. I say bye to Niamh and leave the house.

Harry is standing by the passenger door before I say anything he says.

"I was a dick last night, I'm sorry" he should be, he can't keep playing with my emotions.

"Yeah, you were," I say simply as he opens the door for me to get in. He goes around to get in, and we drive off.

"I shouldn't have put you in that position last night, and you're right. It wasn't fair to you," I listen in silence, and he continues, "You have every reason to be upset with me. I just don't want my foolishness last night to change things between us."

My heart hurts even more because if he's saying what I think he's saying he wants to remain friends then.

I finally speak, and even though it hurts me to say it out loud, I do anyway.

"So what you're saying is...you just want to be friends?"

He looks at me before replying, "I think that's best, don't you?"

"Yeah, you're right," I'm lying, and I know it. I'm falling in love with him, and just as I feared, he doesn't feel the same way. The only thing I'm sure of right now is that he's physically attracted to me.

"Again, I'm sorry. I promise I'll make it up to you." I have to stop letting myself be alone with him; it will only hurt me more.

"You don't have to do that, and we're okay. I promise we are"