everything i wanted (COMPLETED)

Chapter 10

I tried to scream but my head was under water

For some reason whenever I'm home alone and have no one to talk to I always think back to my 5th grade trauma.

I think back to all the names they called me. All the times I went to the bathroom to cry. All the times I ran out of the cafeteria.

My parents were both at their job. My mom worked as a dental assistant and my father is a real estate agent.

Since it's the weekend and both had appointments, I was home alone.

I'm always up in my room. There's not much for me to do in my house. I didn't feel like calling Tom. So it was silent.

I stared at the wall. My mind beginning to wonder; wonder to my tragic past.

Elephant Seal.

Faggot.

Ugly.

Don't talk to me I don't want to hang out with an idiot.

I felt the tears well up into my eyes as my mind wondered deep. Having a good time on its adventure while I went through emotional torture.

You just want attention.

You're crying for no reason.

Shut up, dipshit.

Do you know why we call you Elephant Seal. Because you look just like one. Your nose, your eyes. They're an exact replica of the disgusting animal's features.

After the first tear fell from my eye more kept coming. It didn't stop. I couldn't stop.

The more I thought about the past the more I cried, the more I sobbed, the more sounds of pain and sorrow came out of my mouth.

You'll never be anything to anyone. Everyone will hate you, faggot.

They always said hurtful things. Things that put me on edge, things that made me cry late at night.

I tried to let the pain leave my mind. I tried to forget about it all so I could stop crying. But the more I tried the more I thought about it.

It lead to me screaming. It lead to me screaming out my anger, my trauma.

No one heard me. No one heard my cries for help. I was all alone.

I was drowning in my screams and tears with no one to save me.

................

After I had stopped crying and calmed down I went into the bathroom and splashed water on my face.

I rested my hands on the sink and looked at myself in the mirror.

I don't want these outbursts. I don't want to think about my past and cry. I want to walk around school without keeping my head down. I don't want my parents to keep worrying about me. I want to wear different clothes every once in a while. I want to be ok again.

But I can't do any of those things without worrying about the worst that could happen that day.

If I walk the halls with confidence and my head held high then people will think we need to bring her down again and plan their worst.

If I wear a shorts then someone could look at me in a way they're not supposed to or they could draw on my legs as a creul prank.

As I was thinking of the worst, I heard the front door open and keys jingle.

"Y/n!?"

I let out a breath before responding. "I'm upstairs, dad!"

"Your mom's gonna home with dinner soon. Wash up, please."

"Ok."

I ran my hands through my hair and rested my hands back on the counter.

I looked over my face. I saw what I liked and what I didn't like. I liked my eyes and eyebrows. I didn't like my nose or the way my chin looked when I smiled.

I looked at myself and the eyes and sighed. "What's wrong with me?"