A Lost Marriage|Romanogers AU

Far Away

Italics = language other than English(only when spoken)

~~Early June 1944~~

Natasha searched the ruined Hydra base for any traces of Dugan. They had all decided to take different sections of the base and Natasha hoped that the others had more luck than she did. 

She turned the corner and found a pile of folders. She smiled to herself when she figured that these were the remains of the room where they kept all their records. She briefly flipped through the first few folders and only found things that they already knew. When she turn to leave, a dark red folder buried under some other ones caught her eye. 

She pulled it out and opened it, eyes widening when she saw the few pieces of paper inside it. An hourglass was at the top, and key words popped out on the page making her more and more afraid as she read it.

Person of interest

Retrievers:
Annika
Evelina 
Mila

Howling Commandos

Target Acquired

Location: Pending

Black Widow Program

The first thing that Natasha could think of was that she had been found. Her breathing became erratic for a moment before she forced herself to calm down. There wasn't enough time for her to get a good enough look at the paper, so she put the folder under her coat and tightly held it shut so it wouldn't fall. 

When she returned to the rendezvous point, her unusual fidgeting was credited to the fact that Dugan was still missing. That frightened her even more, since the Red Room's involvement meant that they were all in danger while she was there. 

Dugan returned. 

She made up her mind to leave the moment she saw the Black Widow mark on Dugan's arm. It was a threat, but they didn't know that. The best explanation she had for why Red Room intelligence was with Hydra was that the Red Room offered service to Hydra in exchange for information on Natasha's whereabouts. How they figured out she was with the Commandos remained a mystery to her.

That night, Natasha silently left Steve's tent with tears streaming down her face. She hadn't cried that much since the day that Madame B found out that she was in love for the first time. She only took the bare essentials that she could carry. The Army would probably brand her as a traitor, but she had to try to protect her new family in any way she could. They didn't deserve to die because of her. 

'I love you too' Steve had said. 'I think I've loved you for a long time.' It was the first time that Natasha had heard those words uttered with such sincerity. Hearing Steve say those words to her in what he thought was a dream made leaving much harder since she knew he would be heartbroken, but she felt it was all the more necessary. Captain America couldn't be with a Russian spy. Still, it was nice to know that he could love this image of her, even if it was a dream.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into the night. "I didn't mean for this to happen." Her tears continued to flow as she trudged through the woods. She struggled to find reasons to keep going with her plan, wanting nothing more than to run back and pretend that none of it had ever happened. 

That she hadn't seen those names of girls she knew from the Red Room.

That she didn't know what the hourglass on Dugan's arm meant.

That she told Steve she loved him long before it was time for her to leave. 

Natasha always knew that Steve was attracted to her. She had seen the way that he looked at her sometimes. However, she didn't think his words meant much. He didn't know the things that she had done. He didn't know how much she had killed. Once he realized how much red was in her ledger, he wouldn't love her anymore.