Twenty-Three Young

Entry 4

Thursday 23th January 2014

Zero Months, Zero Days.

I finally willed myself to write this diary entry. I reckon it would have taken so much effort from me to at least complete a page.

But it didn't. I just wrote.

Wrote whatever I felt. And for once, what felt like I was being filled up with an invisible fat, the weight was dissolved all at once. By a blank sheet of paper.

Exhale.

I sit staring at my lava lamp absent-mindedly. Despite the green goo somehow inadvertently formed large clumps, it surprisingly achieves its rebound motion suspended in the blue just the same if it wasn't 'broken when it came in packaging'.

I constantly check my messenger for new messages for no particular reason, expecting a message to appear. The other phone that I use more frequently, although small in stature, has been going off quite more often nonetheless, I haven't bothered to pick it up.

Well, maybe not yet.

I am starting to feel weirdly anxious as the time flies, and also about taking my first trip to college with my dad. So that I can get acquainted with the route by bus.

I've been turning in many positions on my bedroom floor just thinking about trivial things.

'What should I put in my school backpack?'

'What should I wear tomorrow?'

'When am I going to see my doctor?'

'Why are my violin strings so tight?'

'Why am I not going to get up to take a shower?'

'Why can I not feel conflicted by my words and actions to my mother?'

It's crazy thinking of these matters all at once which might explain why my day seems to fly past so quickly.

The following day, my alarm went off at 4:30 am. I was reluctant to leave my comfy bed because there is nothing better than being immersed in another world where your problems no longer exist.

Unless you're at that stage of stress where your dreams become the manifestation of what's happening in the real world. Then your dreams probably suck.

Probably.

I went back to sleep. Not for long though, my internal snooze won't shut the hell up.

I got up five minutes after, and yes, that sucked too. I made use of it anyways by getting dressed early.

Just in case I made my dad late.