How to Spell l-o-v-e

Chapter 3- August: 7 knives, 13 pillars, 31 days and 1 visit

4:00

"Great; only 3 hours to go until youth group," I said to myself as I walked into the church parking lot.

I climbed the stairs to the youth group office and sat down on the top step, took out my latest book To Kill a Mockingbird, switched my phone to silent and waited.

After reading about four chapters, I heard the door above me open and close.

"Riley? What are you doing here, church doesn’t start for another 2 hours. Riley, are you crying?" stated a surprised Mason.

My gut instantly dropped and I began tearing up. I didn't know that he would be here. I thought he would be getting the service ready.

"I'm so sorry Mason, I didn't know anyone would be in here. I figured everyone would be getting the youth group service ready. I'm really sorry! I just needed to get away. I couldn't be there when she got here…" I said quickly.

"Hey it's okay Riley, come into the office and we can talk about this, obviously something is bothering you. As long as you are okay with Jackie being in the room?" Mason asked.

"Yeah, okay thanks." I sniffled.

Jackie was the admin for the youth group and she was like a second mother to a lot of us kids. Having her there would be helpful, for a maternal presence.

As I entered in to the cool air conditioned office, a nice escape for the North Carolina summer heat, I sat down on one of the couches in the office. Mason grabbed me a water and some tissues then sat at the couch across from me.

"So Riley, want to tell me what this is all about?"

I took a deep breath as I proceeded to tell the story of the last 2 months.

"You know my sister, Molly, and how she lives in California with my brother in law, Kyle, and niece, Quinn? Well, the week before Renew I was in California visiting them, my parents left a week before me so I could have some fun, quality time with my sister. We had a pretty great week, with the nail parties and talking about life and guys and stuff, I had so much fun- until we left. Kyle was driving with Molly in the passenger's seat, and  7 month old Quinn and me in the backseat. I remember the whole drive to the airport, Quinn was fussing. We tried everything to get her to calm down, singing, food, music, books, toys, but nothing would make her stop crying. I remember getting off the freeway at the exit that leads to the airport- then it happened. The car filled with sounds of yelling, screaming and crying. Kyle and Molly were yelling at each other over "how to correctly quiet Quinn down". It was so stupid! I yelled out 'YOU GUYS FIGHTING IS NOT GOING TO QUIET THE BABY SO JUST STOP YELLING AT EACHOTHER!'"

I felt  a tear slowly fall down my face as I was transported into the memory that was still in living color.

"I remember looking around as the car filled with an eerie silence…then it happened.  'Riley who the hell do you think you are? You are not in charge of me or Kyle or Quinn! How would you know what we should do, you are just a child, a baby just like Quinn!' Her words pierced through my heart like a knife. 1 knife. 'You're always saying 'LOOK AT ME I'M AN ADULT I'M MATURE'- but you are not mature! You rely on everyone else to fix your mistakes and to fix your problems!' 2 knives. 'This whole damn trip you have just been a f***king  pain in my a**!' 3 knives. ' All you do is cause problems in my life!' 4 knives. 'You were a f**king mistake!' 5 knives. ' All those times I said you were the best thing that happened to me. It was a lie. You are the sh*tiest thing that ever walked this Earth!' 6 knives. 'I don't even know why you are still breathing!' 7 knives.  Kyle yelled out at Molly ' Molly stop this is crazy what are you even saying?!' I remember pulling in to the airport parking lot determined to tune out the hate  and noises surrounding me by counting the pillars we passed. 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13. The car pulled into a parking spot. My face was burning and soaking wet. I opened the trunk , grabbed my luggage and ran. I heard Kyle call out from the parking garage, ' Riley wait for me- let me get Quinn out of the car.' I stopped thinking that the only person who was within a 10 state radius that could be of some comfort was Kyle. 'Molly, stay in the car.' I tried to tune out her voice as I looked at the airport, my beacon of hope, my ride to freedom and safety. 'Come on Riley let's go,' Kyle said as he rushed me through the parking garage towards the airport terminal. The last words I heard from her that day were the last words I ever expected to come out of Molly's mouth-'I f**king hate you, you are no longer my sister. You are just some b**ch with the same parents as me. Get out of my sight.'"