emptiness ; series one (editing)

one : me

have you ever tried to give yourself some time to reflect? in some of the opinions that i heard - it makes you feel good and gives you a sign to start anew.

well that doesn't work for me really. i've been cleansing my mind these days but all i feel is that i'm lonely. i swear, positivity and happiness is all around me - but how come i don't feel it?

i rarely believed that these things take time. i always knew that the day after, i was going to feel better and be productive. but that was up to my imagination. things didn't go as planned. but it did go as destined.

but - the destined thing for me is kinda crucial. to sum it up, my life is 90 percent of me being vulnerable. then the 10 percent left goes for being emotionless. my parents told me for like a fucking thousand times to socialize - but eh? what's the use of having friends when they're going to use you as a rebound.

that is why i like to be alone.

some of the people here thinks that i'm the one who is very approachable and somewhat...friendly? i'm not really sure and i really don't care. i never cared about what they thought of me nor what do they see me as.

like as if i had a connection to them.

as to what you're seeing right now - yes, i'm an introvert. but very weird.

wanna know why? this is the answer.

i'm very weird because i don't care but i want to feel that i'm loved for just once.

i want to be brought in a paradise where everything never fades.

where i feel everything like it's just normal - but crazy.

"i'm samantha. 18 years old. introvert. doesn't care about you."

"well, if you don't...why are you talking to me as if you need company?"

"oh. then you fell for my trick."

"wait what?"

"you just found me. eh, whatever."

it was the first day of hell. yeah i don't care about school and shit. but it is very hard if the topic here is my "parents". the mentality kind of sucks - get lots of recognition and stop doing what i love to do? oh yeah - very toxic.

so that's why i'm up early with the sun striking up on my face and it literally stings my eye - i hate it. why does everybody here, even the sun - doesn't leave me alone? i need to mind my own business but tch, as if they really cared.

"i'm still very kind that i care for these even if i'm pretending. at least i care...right?"

10 years later.

those were the words that came out from me when i was in college. but can you really blame me with that? i was very lonely. but the proper term is alone. yep. i know what you're feeling right now. because i felt it back then.

when it felt like the glass shattered because your heart was shot. shot by sadness and grief. 

but that is life, no one can really escape it. i'm glad i experienced that because i learned a lot - and one of them is...

"the hurt is good. keep it, feel it, play with it. because no matter where you go - that stays with you and let you learn and fight to survive."

the world is not full of happiness only. i'd say happiness is very rare. that's why you need to find it. find it then make it happen. after that - live your life and - the future is up to us.

"and....cut!" the director said as the camera stopped rolling.

and everybody was in awe.

"wow, the words are very inspirational, sam. thanks for the interview." the woman in red stated.

"i just answered your questions. but i didn't think if i was perfect tho? i hope the viewers will like it." she replied with a smile.

"i'm very sure they will like it, don't worry. thanks again, sam!" she responded. 

"no problem. see you!" she said then walked back in to the dressing room.

a/n : hi! so the story is under editing so the story line will be changed. the book can't be wasted. i'll try to finish this as soon as i can. thanks - danica x