The Tales of Jimmy

Jimmy's Coronation

Jimmy's P.O.V

"Yay!" I screamed, "I'm going to be a king!"

"Yeah, after killing Queen Elizabeth...." Lila muttered,

"Lilaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Don't be mean!"

"Sorry Jimmy. It's just. I'm so envious!"

I understood Lila, she was not king and I was. If she was queen, I would be busting my pants with fury and poop.

I wanted to make her feel better, so I said:

"Lila, you can be my butler!" Damn it. Why the heck did I say that!? She'd be a terrible butler... she makes a better private FBI agent... maybe she can be a butler in disguise!!!

"Really? THANKS JIMMY! YOUR SO NICE! I was also wondering..." my eardrums are violently assaulted by herb excitement... I want to report her for abuse, but she's a good FBI agent, and I'd have a hard time finding another...

"What lila?" What does she want now?

"If I could also be Duchess?"

"Sure lila!" Lila looked so damn happy. I want to destroy my world now. At least Lila's happy now. I'll give her somewhere that's, like, legit toats dodge... right?

"You could be Duchess of my new, enormous, small-country-sized, fish-themed fun park!!!"

"Okay... yay!!!"

"From now on, you shall be known as Duchess Lila of Fishyland, and you shall rule over all visitors to my theme-park. If anyone litters, you have the right to publicly execute them in the Haunted Shipwreck. If anyone leaves gum anywhere, spank them. Hard. Real hard... got it?"

Lila nods heartily... she's so damned happy.

"So," I continue, drawing my fish scale cloak closer towards me in a kingly manner and let out a regal sigh and put on my best Chinese accent (I think that's what the queen used to speak...), "And now, I shall knight the."

I raise the ten tonne, solid gold sword off the solid gold toilet seat that it was resting on as Lila kneels before me. I nearly drop it on her head, it's so heavy!

"Lila, do you promise to rule Fishyland theme-park until your dying breath? Punishing all wrong-doer's as I instruct you to? Also, you must pledge to pay me 99% of Fishyland theme park's profit and stay by my side always, and defend me with your life and act as my private FBI agent, as you so faithfully have over the past years?"

"Yes," squeals Lila in her vast excitement... she sounds like a pig... on the subject of pigs, maybe I should order some pig for my coronation feast? Perhaps a live pig, that we kill and roast in front of everyone!? Oooooohhhhh! I am a genius!!!!
I lower the sword onto Lila's shoulder in the most majestic, fishly, manner.

"And Lila?" I say in a stunning impersonation of a Chinese fish... I think they're called Carp or something....

"Yes!?"

"Do you promise to sacrifice a human being to the Fish God, every month?"

"Um..."

"Great!" I exclaim, and drop the sword down mightily on her other shoulder. She howls like a wolf. Maybe I should have a wolf fighting arena at my coronation! Oooooh! What fun! Lila keeps howling. "Be quiet!!!"

"But it hurts!!!"
"This is a test of your strength... prove your strength, or have your title taken away from you, understand? Oh, and you'll be sacrificed to the Fish Lord too... got it?"

"Yes!!!" mumbles Lila, her blonde hair soaking with blood from her shoulder wound where I knighted her, "I... I'll be strong! I promise!

"Good," I sniff, with my stubbly (fake) beard - that I had inserted into my chin to make me look older (I'll have it taken out after my coronation. Just that there was a little uproar about my age... although it does give me a good reason to stroke my chin, which makes me look very wise and kingly... it's still itchy though) - bobbing up and down. My fake beard is so much alike a pufferfish.