For as long as I can remember I've been labeled a lair by adults. Because when they see my face, my perfectly curled hair and my frilly sundresses they have all these assumptions in their head they can't shake. When they look at me and we have a conversation they assume I'm in all honors classes, that I'm going to be a doctor or a lawyer, that I'm this bubbly happy girl. They didn't believe me in 3rd grade when I said I couldn't spell, or in 6th when I couldn't do math equations.
My freshman year they were convinced that I was having behavioral issues when my math test never got above 12%. When I said I was trying my hardest they called me a lair. That I could do better if I just focused on my work. It took 5 months of failing my math class for them to test me for learning disabilities. They were shocked when I got diagnosed with dyslexia, dyscalculia and an executive functioning disorder. After that I thought teachers would finally believe me, but when I switched schools to Kealakehe they said that California testing doesn't count in the state of Hawaii and I would be put into normal classes.
It took 4 months of me failing again my math and science classes for them to re-test me to get the same results. Because I'm not someone who looks like I have a learning disability, so people just believe that I'm lazy and I'm lying to get attention. Adults don't believe me when I say I struggle with anxiety, depression and OCD.
When my panic attacks got so bad that I started missing school my counselor thought I was ditching so she would write me up for detention. When my mental health started to decline my junior year, my parents, school psychiatrist and counselor didn't believe me when I said how bad things were until the bags under my eyes got darker and my waist got smaller.
A part of me wonders what it would have been like if in 3rd grade the teachers got me the help I needed, I wonder how different my life would be if adults had just believed me. All because I don't "look" like a girl struggling with multiple learning disabilities and mental health problems. So before you judge anyone who "looks" normal, remember what the fuck does normal even mean? When children say their struggling, give them the benefit of the doubt and believe them.
YOU ARE READING
I'm Not A Lair
PoetryWhat happens when no one believes that you're struggling because you look fine on the outside?
