When The Sun Came Up, You Were Gone

A Month Or Less(4)

Dominic

They say time goes by fast. That one day you're walking into high school for the first time, a newbie. You think four years is long but by your fifth blink you're already a senior worrying about college. For me, that was usually true. One minute I was in the hospital seeing Malik being born and then the next I'm already teaching Malik how the hell to do Geometry for the second time. That's what life was. Life goes by so fast so enjoy each and every moment you have. A first grade plot line to a book.

But waiting for news on Noah wasn't like that at all. It felt like eternity. The surgery took over three hours to finish. From what the doctor said, he died twice on the table and could potentially have brain damage. I skipped school, didn't even go home that night. My phone was blowing up but I didn't notice it until it was around one PM already. I just spent the hours sitting out in the waiting room... waiting for his surgery to end and then waiting to get permission to see him.

The doctor came out, holding a clipboard and slipping his mask off, "Family of Noah Roman?" We all quickly rushed to him, a bit unsure if we'd crash.

"Is he alright?"

"What's his state?"

"Is there any new information as to why he had an attack?"

"Why was it so different?"

"What's wrong with my baby?"

Question after question was being spat out. It was like Kendra and Mrs. Roman were fighting over who could question the doctor the most. Mr. Roman pulled them back, telling them to let the doctor speak, "Noah's immune system completely crashed. It's unable to function anymore. Since it crash so abruptly, his nervous system also shut down. We were able to help that a bit but right now, Noah is only surviving off of machines."

"My god," Mrs. Roman began to sob. It was so unreal. It felt like a lie but I knew it was because my brain just couldn't process it. I was becoming jittery... I need to see him.

Kendra cleared away her pain and asked, "So what does that mean?"

"Well," the doctor took off his glasses, neatly folding them into his pocket. We all knew. His silence, his hesitation told us, "Noah... he's only got a month... maybe even less now. The probability of him waking up is extremely low. I think... it's time for you all to be prepared for this outcome."

Has your emotions just ever shut off? Not that they disappeared or died, not even numbed. I mean, there's this snap in your body and everything in becomes... blank. His family broke to tears, his mother collapsing onto the floor. Nurses rushing to her and his dad screaming for the mom to wake up. It felt like my conscious zoomed back, like I could see the outline of my eyes. I wasn't controlling the ship anymore, I felt myself become... become so empty that it scared me. Blackness surrounded me, but these two tiny circles gave light. Showing me a view of the hospital and situation going on. I was conscious, but not at the same time. It felt as if someone else was right beside me, holding onto the wheel. Soon my body moved, turning towards the door of the place. I felt myself squinting to see through those tiny windows, to see where I was going. Everything felt so far away and... and confusing. Moments passed where the it was just black, then the circles would come back and I was somewhere else. I felt like I couldn't breathe.

For a couple minutes I was left in the blackness. Left to wonder and anxiety of what was going on with me. Thought it wasn't my physical body, it felt as if I couldn't catch a single breath. Like the air had become thin for some reason. The darkness began to scare me. I wanted out, I wanted out. I needed to find those damn circles!

Get me the hell out!

A raindrop?

I opened my eyes, having everything be lit with color and light. No more little circles... no more blackness. It was raining. Looking around, I have no idea how I got here. I was outside Noah's house, just lying out on his front yard. Pushing myself up, I go to his door, seeing no lights on. Unable to gather anything, my head aches. Like someone is smashing a rock into it a million times. I just sit on the porch, having the water hit the top of my head and fall to the grass.

I can't remember how I got here.

I can't remember anything.

All I remember is... Noah... that's right. Noah is stuck in coma... he has a month... maybe less now.

Balling my sleeves, I just cry. Not a quiet one like I usually do, but a loud and crackling one. My body heaves, having me choke as I breathe too quickly. My arms and legs frozen from the windy bashing them, I begin to shake.

But I don't stop sobbing.

I just scream out, hoping that God would hear my pain and take it away. Take away Noah's pain. But I wasn't just crying for Noah... I was crying for Gracie. That she may never get better and may forever be stuck alone. Her life was forever made to be a lonely one. I also cried for my other siblings, who have never gotten the chance to have a true parent and child relationship. To never have a proper birthday party, never play games and family activities, that when they had parent's day at school, no one showed up. When they won awards, the only ones to see were us and their classmates... no 'congrats' by our mom or 'good job' by our dad. The kids who never had their parents during Christmas and missed out on everything. I cried for Noah's family, because they would be not only be losing a member, but a son and brother. Someone who they were supposed to watch get older. Someone who was going to do incredible things. It should be impossible for a parent to bury their child and a sibling to see their sibling suffer.

And selfishly... I cried for myself.

Because I would be losing him.