When The Sun Came Up, You Were Gone

I Am Always Here(4)

Noah

"Can you give me a big breath?" The doctor asked, seeing me clinging to the rails of my bed, barely able to sit up straight. Every time I inhaled, it felt like rocks and glass were swimming around in my lungs. They were on fire, making me cough and choke on blood. For the past hour, the doctor has been trying to get me to take deep breaths, but I can barely pant. This morning I woke up to from being unable to breathe. Dominic was laying beside me when he sprung up and got help. Right now he's standing beside my bed, opposite of the doctor, rubbing my shoulder. It was so painful that tears were falling from my chin and I couldn't help but yell at times from the pain. I thought the pain I was feeling earlier was horrible, this is something else. It should be impossible to feel this pain. "I'm not sure why your lungs are doing this, but I am going to have you be hooked up to an oxygen tank" he wrote down whatever the fuck he was thinking, "there is nothing we can do about the pain... you will just have to ride it out."

"He can't ride this out," Dominic spoke up, "he is literally unable to breathe. There has to be something you can give him to make it easier."

"We can't," he sighed, "his throat seems to be closed, which is also stopping him from breathing, and if we inject him a painkiller, his body may react poorly and an attack might occur. His best option is to try and ride it out. If he could sleep through this would be even better." I could feel Dominic's hand gripped me tighter. Weakly, I lifted my hand and placed it on his. He understood my gesture and stood down. The doctor left with the nurse to fetch my oxygen tank... another machine.

Dominic helped me lay down, setting my pillows up so I could still work on the breathing exercises, "I called your parents. They're getting Kendra and will be here shortly. Try and to just focus on breathing. It's best if you do the four count... maybe it could force your lungs to open up a bit." Tugging on his sleeve gently, he shook his head, "No Noah... you're in a bad state right now. Maybe when you are better, but for now I can't lay with you. I'll be right here though. I won't leave your side."

He isn't lying.

He has yet to leave. Only times he does is to shower and grab food from the cafeteria. Even then he hurries back. The school has emailing his work to him and supporting his decision to be with me. Though he tries to hide it, I catch him on the phone when I'm 'napping'. It sounds like he's talking to one of his siblings named Malik. When he leaves to shower, he makes lunch for them and leaves them everything they need. I used to tell him to go and take care of them, but he always told me to worry about recovering myself.

Intertwining our fingers, I held onto his hand as hard as I could. During every painful encounter, challenge and twist, he's been my rock. When I would be vomiting in the middle of the night, he would be right beside me. He never got grossed out nor judged me. Instead, He'll hold the bag or rub my back, even hold my hair back. Every shot and blood drawing, he held my hand and smiled at me.

Having him here.... I have some type of strength.

When the nurses come in, I see the tank and cord that would be shoved up my nose. Nothing... not a single part of me wanted it. I wanted to reject it and just suck up with the pain, but Dominic left a little kiss on my hand and whispered into it, "I'm right here... you got this. Make that tank your bitch."

Even though it hurt, I chuckled at him.

But like everything else, he was there.

As I cried with the cord and coughed up some blood, he remained beside me.

My family came a bit after the tank was set up, mom already about to cry, "Oh my god.... my baby." She cupped my face and laid a kiss on my forehead.