Her Name is Memory

20| bursted dam

Chapter 20

No dear, I'm not choking
My throat's a little tight
But give me a moment
And I'll probably be fine

~Nathaniel's Lyric Journal

MY MIND WAS A WRECK.

I needed to escape. I kept walking, even when my muscles, nerves, and everything inside of me was coiled so tightly of stress and anger. Worry that I couldn't keep it together long enough to get home.

Everything burned. My heart, lungs, legs, throat. The sound of my name being shouted behind me caused blood to roar in my ears. A hand wrapped around my arm, jerking me back. I whipped my head around to see Angela calling for me. My feet eventually slowed. Angela placed a hand on her chest, panting loudly.

"Wait up," Angela rasped, gasping for air.

"You can hang out with your friends. You don't have to be here," I said stoically, holding back all the feelings I had. About Mom. Alabama. Dad. Elise. Everything was burning.

Angela shook her head fiercely. "I want to be here."

I instinctively jerked back. "I want to go home alone."

Hazel eyes searched for something on my face before her mouth grew taut. "Let me drop you home at least since I picked you up." A small grin touched her lips that undid me enough to maybe relax a little.

"O-okay."

We walked silently. My eyes drifted to Angela time to time, trying to decipher the blank expression on her face. I wanted to ask her what was she thinking and insist again that she didn't have to come, but every time I opened my mouth, my mouth was dry. I kept my head low, focusing on not bumping into others and praying I didn't see anyone I knew.

Relief swept my body when we were outside. For the first time, I welcomed being the open space- the only thing that was bigger than all the thoughts that were jumbled in my head. We crossed across the parking lot towards Angela's red car. When she unlocked the door, I immediately entered the passenger's seat, trying to relax into the seat as best as I could and ignoring the knot in my stomach.

Angela hopped into the driver's seat. She started the cart, her hands frozen on the ignition. An unfamiliar country song was playing softly in the background. She took a deep breath before turning towards me.

"Jackson was being a jerk, and I'm sorry he said those things," Angela apologized. "This was suppose to be a nice outing and he ruined it."

I wanted to scream. I would've normal ignored it or played it off, but I didn't do that. I didn't even realize that I did it. My hands clenched into fists and I took a few shaky breaths.

This wasn't me. I didn't know what this was, but it didn't feel like me.

I shrugged it off. "It's fine. I've heard worse."

She shook her head at my nonchalant attitude and responded, "It doesn't make anything he was joking about okay. I never...heard him say any of that until now. It's gross."

I shrugged. "Yeah. You're right."

Angela looked at me before she shifted the car into drive. She drove silently, humming softly to the song that was on the radio. I looked outside, following the my eyes on the flat land and not on the fact that my heart was pounding so loudly. My head could only think about the pain and the anger.