and i'm back here again,
back with those heavy thoughts and pounding heart,
back with the incessant pain and the shaky limbs.
i'm back to where we started,
the days we lay side by side
laughing and crying;
together.
spinning,
everything seems to be a blur as the days pass by
nothing makes sense anymore
nothing seems to change anymore.
day after day,
it's you;
it's still consistently you.
man after man,
body after body;
i've sold my soul to countless
but none brought along the comfort you once did.
our chapter,
which was once closed and done
still prods at my fragile heart,
day in and out.
so tell me which pills to take,
guide me to those drugs i can inhale;
anything seems better than this pain,
just show me any means to escape.
every night that you spend
sleeping by her side,
i'm left cold in mine,
screaming on the inside.
notes from torn pages of my diary,
ones i couldn't express in the fear of it coming across your sight.
