Chained to Mr. Billionaire

DREAM OR NOT?

"How can I say this without breaking? How can I say this without taking over? How can I put it down into words?"
- Fleurie (Hurts like hell)

"Mrs. Adrianna Kilver committed suicide after giving birth to a child?"

"Is this true?" I swallow and felt my eyes stinging. I turn my attention away from my phone in horror. I don't know who the sender is and how he or she knew my number but none of it matters. In fact I'm quite grateful to him or her for sending me the link that I suppose Marko wouldn't tell me about if I would never find out about it. Just as when I thought everything would turn out great and it would better, The truth had already thrown at my face. Like a bucket of ice splashing all over my naked body.

The only thing that the courage that left of me is reading the headline before I turn to Marko who stared at me puzzled as to what I am talking about. I felt suffocated all over again. I wanted to die or drown in the water physically rather than emotionally. It could be just a lie but deep inside I may just be hoping for it. It could be true and everything I knew would all be just a lie and my relationship with my family, would only be just false because I'm the reason why she died. I don't deserve to live at all. My blood feeling cold as ever as I turn my phone to his eye level to show him the headline.

"Is. It. True?" I asked impatiently as I stare at him and noticed how he doesn't move an inch at all. It was the same expression he had when the Journalists mentioning my Mother's name. He just stared at the headline without saying anything. The answer itself is obvious enough by the way how he reacted to it. He doesn't need to tell me. But it also just made sense how he treated me for all these years. He must have despise me that I'm the reason why my Mother took her life.

Maybe that's why he never celebrated my birthday because it is the day of her death. Maybe my existence is the only reminder of her. I should never have been born for real. I don't deserve to live, I don't deserve being happy when I'm the cause of her unhappiness. She could have just abort me instead of committing suicide. I don't have a right to get to know about my mother and to talk about her. Because I killed her.

"You told me mom died giving birth to me. Of course you lied and never had the intention of telling me" My heart hurts. All of this is too much for me. The pain is just how a body was torn down limb by limb slowly or performing a surgery without anesthesia. My head pounding with all of these. I put the phone down in the table and held my head together. I feel so hopeless. I should have known or just let alone researched about it myself. I don't have any right to take her possession at all as a gift.

"If I told you the truth, you would blame yourself for it. I didn't want to lie to you but what do you want me to tell you? To make you think that it was your fault why she was dead?" He asked in annoyance but I also saw it in his eyes this time that he is more than hurt than I was. My face itself screams murder. He could have just tell me the truth that I killed her instead of acting as if I didn't. He could just tell me what he used to show me and he usually do to me. He shouldn't lie to me and make me think that it's not my fault that it happened. The way he said that it wasn't my fault at all makes me frustrated. My hands turning to fists in the table.

"Yes! Because the truth is I did made her. I was right I shouldn't have been born in the world. If I didn't exist at all she would be alive and happy!" I screamed in pain. This time the tears had already roll down my face. I couldn't hide it anymore and so does another gossip would happen today or tomorrow. Maybe talking about it here is the wrong idea. I don't want anyone to pity me about what happened to my family, my existence, and everything. It would just scream in my face whenever they see me.

"It isn't your fault! That's the reason why I never think twice to tell you the truth. I didn't think you would understand" He slightly rose his voice and let out a heavy sigh. Pinching his temple for a minute and closing his eyes. I just shake my head disapprovingly. I still have the right to know. But knowing the truth now, I understand that it is my fault. Why else would she commit suicide? My makeup by now had been all over the place. Eyes stinging more because of the makeup irritating it.