Chained to Mr. Billionaire

JEALOUSY AND CONFUSION

"Afraid of a future that doesn't involve you. But I can't stick around anymore. The longer I have, too deeper we fall. But the time will never come when goodbye sounds right"
- He said (Joey Djia)

She breathed out as the darkness consumed her. The cold air clinging into her skin as she lie down into the warm and ticklish grass. Up the hill, beside the river that she have marked as her territory. She wanted some fresh air and to be all alone by herself. There are a lot of things she have in mind like the questions of what Veronica had said, finding out all the answers for it but at the same time thoughts are lingering to Ryder again. As much as it irk her, she just couldn't get him out of her thoughts easily.

Everyone might say that she should move on but if it is about talking about baby steps, which one she needs and thinking about doing are formidable. It would be entirely easy to say yet hard to convince one's mind. Love isn't something that they could force themselves to do quite the opposite. Sometimes even if they had done them wrong, love would get the best of them. All the dejection and resentment, it would still remain if one feels that way towards their partner or ex partner. Even if that's the case, there would still be love in it. Such thing as love and hate. 

Despite the feeling of all the negativity, it would come out as hoping something would change between them and that it wouldn't happen again. However no one's perfect. In all honesty, every love has their own ups and downs. It would always have conflicts, maybe not everyday or every week, but maybe the time when one doesn't expect it. Few that could be tolerated and the others cannot. It depends on the situation. But what about hers and Ryders? Could it be tolerated? What should be the next move?

On top of that, the strong word, "Love" always comes with communication. Without it, all will cease to exist. In any case, not everyone agrees with love in terms of partnership. Some may find themselves wanting to be an Independent person where they don't need some support. Leila had been exactly that but she couldn't also help but to be an hopeless romantic. She wanted to experience it but at the same time she also just wanted to focus on her own career that she want to have. To be as successful as she dream to be before doing anything else. 

All of it had been thrown away somewhere in a matter of seconds, after meeting Ryder in that night at the gala that Leila had pretend to be someone else. That is her bestfriend and getting drunk—therefore shouldn't have occurred as it was risky. It happened anyway and if ever didn't, she wouldn't be having any relationship with him. All of it doesn't exist aside from meeting him sooner or later in a very professional manner. Still and all, there's no guarantee of the future's fate. It still might've happen in any different circumstances. 

She's all but mentally and physical drained from the family, love, and career problems. Not knowing which could she do right now to move forward. She's not the type of person who would want to rely on someone else and just sit somewhere, letting them do the work. She want something that she could earn through hardships. The question would always be why. The only answer to that as what she had know all along, is because she grew up to rely on herself. Not to look weak anymore and the pity that people may give her. 

She wants to have a purpose in life. Given that love was quite foreign for her and it serves as a distraction from the darker memories that she had. It is what keeps her going, sane, and confident. The only thing she couldn't answer is the main question of, out of all careers, why did she chose Fashion Designing? It is something to think about. It is connected to the past obviously but the only conflict there is would be that it serves as a strength for the path she is about to walk into. It would keep her going and would give out a purpose. Earlier's filming was nothing but Ricky walking in the grass with a beer bottle in hand. Saying about how her mother kicked her out.