The Vastness Of The Sea

° VALERIE °

Valerie was always wondering.

Wondering if anything was worth it at all.

Not in a depressing way or anything like that, she had a caring family, a doctor for a mom and A-list manager for a dad. They were close, really close, like tuna in a metal can.

She was also great at school, top of the class in anything and everything. She had many friends, or so they liked to call themselves. But, no that wasn't the problem

The problem was that she didn't know what she was doing. She'd been doing fine until today. The day before her graduation. She didn't know why she was feeling this way. She just did.

She just felt like she was wasting her time in school. To be honest, she always felt like that. But now that tomorrow was the end. The end of her time in high school, that feeling intensified.

Despite having the best grades, she still felt like she had no idea what to do with it. What exactly she was going to do. There was this invisible pressure on her shoulders, telling her and forcing her it in her mind that she had to know what she wanted to do.

Yes, that was the problem; Valerie Denmore, didn't know what she wanted to be in the future.  She didn't have a career path.

Her parents told her to take her time, but she had no time. She was going to graduate and before she knew it, she would have to choose what major to study in, what job to have, what house to buy, all these adult decisions she didn't want to have to make.

Valerie probably didn't even know if she wanted to attend university. She just wanted to remain a teenager. Not have to worry about anything but just have fun.

Unfortunately she couldn't do that. Everyone expected her to have her life together. After all, she was the top student of her grade. A valedictorian. She had even already gotten accepted to Yale, to major in medical engineering was it? She couldn't remember.

So now, as she was walking on the Gatesbury Bridge sidewalk, Valerie wondered. If she should even show up to her graduation at all. She wouldn't be able to accept her diploma. Not with this indecisiveness she was feeling right now. She didn't even know where she was going.

Her pace was irregular, her heartbeat was unusually fast and her arms were doing this weird flailing motion. She was panicking, and it felt butterflies were threatening to burst out her stomach. She was trying to find a solution but she couldn't.

This was strange because she could always find a solution.

Stop. She told herself as she comes to an abrupt halt in the middle of the sidewalk. Her hands reached for her head and her fingers start to scuffle her hair. She crouched down, planted her face in her palm and let the tears fall, and they don't stop. They just kept spilling out.

As she cried on the sidewalk, Valerie found out what the worse feeling in the world was:

Not knowing what you want for yourself.