𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐮𝐧 ☼ 𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐚

I

     "hi mama." he placed a small bundle of peach roses and baby's breath down, letting them sit patiently for her to pick them up and smell them with a small grin tugging at her classic red lips. "i'm back again."

he visits her every other day. sometimes he comes with flowers, other times gifts, and every once in a while he'll bring the old, battered ukulele she'd brought home from a trip to hawaii she took when he was nothing more than a little boy, barely walking- and with it, he'll sing something for her. she always loved to hear him sing.

"me and miwa are doing alright. we're sad, but it's okay. i... i'm just happy you're safe."

the early summer sun sat at the top of the sky, bright white and blinding; the air was crisp, not a drop of humidity to weigh the world down. the sky was very blue, and there were sparse clouds spreading themselves across the sky like butter. tobio wishes she could see it; this was her favorite kind of day. warm, sunny, happy at first sight. she identified with it, he thinks, and that's why she loved it so much.

"i hope you're watching down on us, mama. we think about you everyday."

his eyes screamed to let go, to just let something, anything fall, but he couldn't get himself to. since the funeral a month ago, he'd cried his eyes out of commission; on that day he'd been surrounded by friends and family who never cared to visit her, bring her things, or even call her phone with kind words, and he'd cried out of pain and remorse and hatred for these imposters who attended her service like they ever deserved to. they weren't there for her when she was diagnosed with kidney and heart disease, they weren't there for her when she couldn't get out of bed, or when she signed herself off for dialysis, and they certainly were not there for her during her last few moments. they had no right, tobio knows.
even in those seconds, with miwa and tobio by either side, she smiled. her lips were still a deep red, because she always insisted on having her favorite lipstick on- it made her feel beautiful, and tobio admired how not even death could strip her of her beauty. she was more resilient than he ever could manage to be. tobio held her hand, squeezing it three times, as she drifted off to that toxic sleep from which she would never wake up; these so-called family members never showed their faces when she needed to see them most, and tobio cried for her, because she never deserved to be abandoned so cruelly. at least she had him and miwa, he thought. nobody loved her more than they did.

"miwa is waiting for me at home. it's almost time for lunch, so i better get going."

he kissed the tips of his fingers and pressed them to the smooth headstone, feeling the chill of the charcoal color biting at his skin.

"i love you, mama. i miss you. i'll be back soon."

tobio trudged away from the grave towards his bicycle parked at the pathway that leads to the cemetery gate; his feet felt heavy as rocks and so did his head, but he paid it no mind. he had to get home and spend time with miwa.

close to the gate, he slowed on his bike as he saw a boy with a massive head of orange hair about his age sitting in the dirt in front of a grave. the dirt looked fresh, like it had only been put down yesterday; the stone was a polished and creamy white, and there were little toys and flowers decorating the mulch before it. he was talking with his hands, and he had a pair of burning red eyes and a runny nose. he looked like a maniac, but tobio knew better, because that was what he looked like when he first started visiting his mother after she passed away.

tobio kept going down the path and out the gate, making sure to breathe, since lately he's been forgetting to. he pedaled home, breathing in and out, knowing his mother was watching over him and smiling like marilyn monroe, red lips and sparkling teeth. she was always such a classic girl, his mother- and no one would ever be more beautiful than her, he knows.