No one will believe you (True Story My Story)

Only Chapter.

My story is not the nicest of stories to tell or one I would think I would ever had to write(But why would you? You never expect this to happen to you). Before I write this I have to apologise to my mum for what I’m about to write this is upsetting but it’s just what I remember I love you loads.

My story starts April 2012 I hadn’t long had my daughter who I am going to call G she was 4 months old at the time, and my mum had just gave me permission to go out for my friend 19th birthday celebration, just as long as I didn’t get too drunk and I was home 12am so that I could be up for G the next morning, Agreeing to my mum’s conditions I got ready and went to meet the birthday girl and my best friend at the time.

We were all having a great time singing karaoke and having a few drinks, when a friends friend walked in who we didn’t know and asked if he could join us, being nice we let him stay and he joined in, he kept asking me if he could buy my drinks but not liking anyone not even my friends buy my drink I refused but thanked him for his offer.
Around half 11 I started feeling unwell and tired so I asked one of my friends if he could walk me home but he was so drunk. I decided to walk alone, knowing I had to be home for 12 and the walk was 10-15 minutes long. That was when the boy who we will call X offered to walk me home, at first I refused because I didn’t know him but feeling so unwell tired I soon accepted.

About half way home I could feel my whole body going numb and my eyes were so sore for trying to stay awake.

I don’t remember what happened next, all I remember is waking up in a football field covered in grass, mud and blood. I was cold and wet as it was raining and my head and body hurt a lot, my dress was torn I was a mess in other words.

Trying to look for my phone to call my mum or someone for help I was stopped when X stood in front of me telling me how it was all my fault and no one would believe me because I had just had a baby and was known for sleeping around. I couldn’t really see him as he walked away leaving me as my eyes were still sore and so was my head, I have never felt so ill or scared in my life. But that day I believed him and I thought I was my fault.

Two hours later so 2am my friend found me by my friends who birthday it was house, I was looking for my phone and rambling on about how my mum was going to kill me if I had lost it.

He was very confused telling me I had just rang him asking for help. He didn’t even move to touch me he just told me to give him the pin for my phone and he would ring my mum if he found it but he needed to get me home first he did ask why X had just left me but I didn’t answer him(I think he new that’s why he didn’t ask questions or try to approach me) it took my friend 1 hour to get me home.

3am I arrive home to a very angry mum telling me how upset she was with me for being in so late and for losing my phone, she saw the state I was in but she just assumed I had been sleeping around, and being young and scared at the time and also believing everything X had said I never told her I just went to bed sore, tired and feeling so alone with the words “No one will believe you” ringing in my ears, I didn’t even give my daughter a kiss that night.

The next morning

7am the pain I was in the next morning I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy I felt like I had been in a boxing match I ached from head to toe. And don’t even get me started on that area I felt I had been punched the pain was unbearable.

Un a wear because I didn’t tell her my mum got me up and sent me out with G in her pram to look for my phone. Pushing though the pain of my worn out abused body I got up and went to look for my phone.

Half an hour later I found my phone down the ally way where my friend lived and where I had been looking for it the night before. I rang my mum to let her know I had found it and made my way home.

When I got there she told me she had thrown the dress that was torn and covered in grass, mud and blood away and told me to think hard the next time I go out as she was still very disappointed in me.

And I still didn’t tell her.

“No One Will Believe You”

Telling the truth (6 years later)

It took me 6 years to tell my family what happened I remember I had a bad day at work I was a cleaner(not a very good one but I tired my best) and I saw X with a pupil who must have been starting in September. Now I hadn’t seen X in 6 years he had moved away so during that time I tried to get on with my life the best I could. So seeing him at my place of work hit me hard, I had a panic attack in the cleaning cupboard, I new then that I hadn’t coped with what had happened all those years ago as well as I thought, I was engaged at the time at first I was so happy he had been my best friend since school but I new at that moment I could get married, I went home and was crying in the kitchen when one of my sisters who wasn’t speaking to me at the time saw me. She came running toward and asked me what on earth was the matter and that’s when I told her everything, I was so scared to even look at her I didn’t think she would believe me but she just held on to my middle finger and smiled and told me she was going to help me though it. I later told another one of my sisters who was amazing she helped me tell my mum, that was the hardest part she kept saying count to 3 and just me the look on her face when I did she looked so hurt and her eyes were full of guilt because she new which night I was talking about, I hated seeing that look on her face it wasn’t her fault I never told her.

I told my faience and he couldn’t handle it and left some of my so called friends left and started a rumour in the school playground about how I had lied about being raped 6 years ago to get out of getting married(ouch some friend you where) I went into deep depression and pushed friends who wanted to be there away(Even when I pushed them away they were still there waiting for me. They were true friends. ) I quit my job because I couldn’t stand going back there knowing he new I was there, I got angry at the people I loved the most I stopped eating I had awful nightmares and to this day I still do. I hated going out after dark incase he’s around(again still do).

Telling my dad was also hard he got very upset thought he’d failed me when he hadn’t, My brother was also amazing when he found out and They All Believed me.

Meeting M

I had tried to talk about what had happened to so many people doctors just wanted to give me tablets that yes helped me sleep but they didn’t take away the memory or the anger and fear I have towards X I tried seeing a specialist but they just wanted me to talk about that night when I wasn’t ready, so I did what I spent the last 6 years doing I stopped talking about it... Until lock down when someone who is famous so won’t mention their name posted on Instagram that their friend was doing sessions for those who are feeling alone or need to talk during lock down. Needing someone to talk to I gave M a message asking for his help and he replied immediately with a time and date on when we could talk. I was so nervous the amount of times I wanted to cancel on him were numerous but I’m so glade I didn’t he was truly amazing and honest he told me he wasn’t a specialist who could help me with the PDSD side because that’s what he thinks I had but he was there for me and wanted to help me though it. We spoke for over an hour and he gave me little task to try and work on.

After only an hour of talking he still wanted me to keep him updated on how I was getting on with finding someone to talk to who could help and myself in general.

A month went by and I had been told by doctors that there was over a 6 month waiting list to see someone and would probably be longer due to Covid 19. I was about to give up again but I went though my book that I had wrote M’s notes down telling me that he was there if I needed him and his door was ways open, and as I had been suffering with nightmares again because I had seen X in a shop and he smirked at me making me go back to my mums car and cry, I messaged M telling him how low I was feeling and about my nightmares and he was straight onto sorting a meeting out for me even if he did forget it because it was a holiday in his country so he went on a bike ride, I found it hilarious as he sent me a voice recording apologising at the side of a road when he remembered, but he did sort another meeting out and spent another hour just talking to me and giving me some more helpful task.

I know not everyone will have a M but don’t suffer in silence speak out. There are people out there who will listen.

I am here I'm on here nearly all the time but I also have twitter and Facebook if you want to add me on there.

Sorry if there is any mistakes I'm not brillant at writing and was shaking most the time.