We Are Broken

✨1✨

I didn't know that he was like that.
I guess i didn't know him very well.

After he told me he liked me and i told him i don't know what love is, he told me he would show me. But now he's showing me other things.

His room is dark. Pictures and posters on the wall. Music venils and a guitar. Other things like random books and sketch books. He draws a lot, i know that. He drinks a lot of energy drinks, i know that as well. I know everything about him, more then he does about me. This is exactly how i imagined his room to be like. Full. Like his mind.

His parents aren't home, because his mum left to Russia with a random guy he met a night at a bar. His dad is living in another city, making music and he's a bit careless. His grandma is mostly working or out, that's something I don't know much about.

He also has a big sister but she doesn't live there as well. She's goth and is probably always out drinking but she lives in another city. He misses her, i know that.

He is so weird and broken and funny and kinda fake that i almost see myself.

I mean I'm weird and broken and fake. I'm not funny though, he has that for both of us.

I'm just a normal kid you know. A girl with depression and suicidal thoughts who tried to kill herself 2 times already and she's still trying and planning her death every day. A girl with friends named ana and mia. Anorexia nervosa and bulimia are just 2 more reasons to cry sometimes. The other are just basic stuff like social anxiety and toxic family.

Like i said, just a normal kid.

I sometimes feel like he has more rights to die, but that doesn't make me feel less miserable.

"So...?" He says

"So....what?" I say back.

"What are you thinking?"

"I don't know, about us i guess"

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I think so..."

"Okay....you can sit...if you want to" he says carefully.

So i do, i sit on the bed and it's really comfortable. He takes his desk chair with the wheels and turns it to me and then he sits down. He looks at me and waits for me to start talking.

"I've known you for quite a time" i start "i rejected you 3 years ago, you started bulling me, then you got basically the whole class to bully me. I got the name vampire. Then we started fighting for everything and then we stopped fighting. You started to sit next to me in class and we started talking more and more. We became friends, even though i always told you i hate you, you know i like you."

"You know I'm sorry for all the things i did to you. I was an asshole and i probably still am but i promise I won't hurt you again." He says and his puppy green eyes are looking at me asking for forgiveness. I take a deep breath.

"I don't know if i like you or not. I mean i like being with you and talking to you and i feel comfortable with you but that could be just friendship. I really don't want to be with you and then realize I don't actually love you and then we break up. I don't want to break your heart. Because I'm an asshole. You know it."

"You're not. You are amazing. And i wanna get hurt if i even get to have some moments with you."

"But we could have moments as friends."

"I wanna kiss you." He cuts me off "I've been in love with you sense the first week i got into this school. You were the most and only interesting thing i ever saw. After you rejected me i was in 2 relationships, non of them felt right because i only did it to see your reaction." He stops a little "i really want to finally know the taste of your lips. I wanna know what is underneath these hoodies. I wanna know what is in that mind of yours that you keep to yourself. I want to know more about you. And not only as a friend."

I didn't expect that from him. The boy that jokes around most of the time and acts like a 10y/o is now a men. When did he become so grown up? When did his hands become so big? When he stands up i can see how tall he is. When fid he become so tall?

Was i blind the whole time? I guess i was, because this isn't the small boy from 3 years ago. I have to wake up. WAKE UP. The time is passing. I haven't lived my life in 3 years and i have to wake up because I'm losing shit.

"What do you think?" He asks quietly as he stands Infront of me.

"I have to think about it a bit more but do you mind?" I say and i stand up. He's taller. I never realized it but he was tall.

"What?"

I had to go up to my feet and i kissed him on the chick. Well not exactly. Kissing him on the chick was the plan but i ended up kissing him more on the jawline.

He was shook and he blushed a little.

"You have to stop because i can barely hold myself"

Still on my frond feet i place my hands on his chest and go closer to his ear.

"Okay" i whisper and i smile as i sit back on the bed.

"Fuck" he whispers and turns around.

"Emm, i- I'll be back in a minute. You can play some music or something." He says and he's out of the room closing the door behind him.

Hehehehhe I'm evil but that why I'm an asshole. I know i am.

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