Two Halves of a Whole~Illumi x Reader

Family x Disputes

onee-san just means sister fyi, the short form is nee-san

y/n pov

"kil, you need to share your chocolate!" milluki complains to the white haired zoldyck

"no! get your own! grandpa gave this to me!" killua says, sticking his tongue out. i stifle a laugh

"no fair! sharing is caring!" milluki complains

"maybe i don't care" killua says

"kil don't be mean" illumi scolds

"fine. i just care about chocolate more than you, good enough?" killua asks, i slip into the kitchen to get another 2 chocolate bars, i come back a short time later

"kil, give the chocolate to milluki" i say, he lets out a huff and hands the chocolate bar to milluki

"hahahahaha! you're the best nee-san!"milluki says, i take the 2 chocolate bars from my pocket

"are those for me nee-san?" killua looks at me, his eyes glittering

"only 1" i say, tossing him 1, i open the other for myself

"illumi not fair!" i say as illumi breaks off half of the bar 

"sharing is caring" he says before taking a bite nonchalently

"hmph, fine" i pout at the 13 year old, he's already a head taller than me. not fair.

"meet me on the roof again" he says, over the past 8 years we would go up to the roof to laugh and feel normal together. 

"okayyyy, but only if you bring chocolate" i say

"gotoh will notice if 3 bars are missing" illumi says

"you're a zoldyck, figure it out!" i whine

"fine" illumi says

-time skip to on the roof-

"illumi finally!" i say as i see illumi walking towards me on the roof, he tosses me a chocolate bar

"thanks illumi!" i say

"can i ask you a question?" illumi asks

"just did" i say bluntly

"oh well, but do you know what love is?" illumi asks me, he sits next to me and i lay my head on his shoulder

"love is when you have a deep affection for something or someone" i say, remembering the definition from studying

"but how do you know you love something?" he asks

"well...i think that person or thing is supposed to make you happy" i say

"so can we not love?" illumi asks, i look at him. 

in all the romance books i've read the main character has emotions. they feel happy and sad, mad and calm, but i don't really know if what i feel is emotion. i just feel...numb most of the time, it's what makes a good assassin.

"well your parents love right?" i ask

"they say they love me and milluki and kil" he says

"your parents wouldn't love if it was bad right? so maybe you're only allowed to love family?" i ask

"well family is supposed to come first, so is that love?" he asks

"so love is putting someone else first?" i ask

"then isn't the only person we could love is ourselves?" illumi asks. in the world of assassination your own well being always comes first. all the other things just depend on how skilled you are

"love is confusing" i sigh

"it contradicts itself, only a fool could feel love" illumi concludes

"then i think i'm a fool" i say

"you're not a fool y/n" illumi says

"i think i feel love" i say

"eh? what?" illumi asks

"well i love kil, and milluki and grandpa zeno, and...you" i say

"eh? you would put me before yourself?" he asks

"well...i don't know, but if we were in a situation like that we'd just kill everyone there and escape together" i say with a small smile, he smiles at me

"then...i think i love you too"he says

"thanks illumi" i say

"so are we fools?" he asks

"umm...no? maybe" i say

"so we're half fools" he says, referencing us being 'half friends'

"we're half fools" i nod