Deep Wounds

One

         Sometimes I feel as if I'm drowning. My head seems to be stuck underneath the water and no matter how hard I try, I can't pull myself up. I'm left to deal with the muffled world that refuses to stop and help me. But then again, maybe it's just the meds.

        At the young age of 14, I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety- a way of life in my opinion. No matter how many times my doctor has stated that it's something I will most likely learn to live with, my parents refused to hear it. They put me through years of therapy, countless medications, and occasional "vacations" to various institutions. I think they just felt guilty somehow. Much to their despair, it didn't help one bit. Personally I believe I'm fine, for the most part....

"Dior!"

Guess it wasn't the song saying my name.  I take out my AirPods to see Kyle's worried face. "What?" I try to say it as neutral as possible but from the way his face balls up even more, I think I failed.

"You good? Or were you just ignoring me."

"Just ignoring you."

"You're an asshole, like seriously." I laugh. The best part of my day is definitely  annoying  Kyle. He gets agitated by the smallest shit. I try to get up, only to almost fall over. Damn, how long was I sitting here? Ignoring Kyle's gaze, I walk over to mirror that covers the entire left side of the room. 

"I gotta leave soon, I pose to meet with these people." I tell Kyle without taking my eyes off of my  reflection. My eyes look dead and don't even get me started on the hair. I really just want to get back in my bed.

"Who, the fuck? What people?"

"YouTube Ambassadors. I'm suppose to talk to them about this interactive series pitch..." I stop for a moment to think, my mind finally processing the plans of this meeting. "Maybe I shouldn't go. The whole thing low-key dumb now that I think of it. Ain't no point of me going in there and embarrassing myself." 

Kyle stops texting and looks up from his phone. His eyes meet mine in the mirror and I feel as if I can see him preparing to cuss me out. "Girl are you fucking dumb," he starts. I knew it. "You are a number fucking 1 YouTube creator. You are an entrepreneur. Bitch you graduated college at the top of your class. Miss fucking-"

I stop him mid sentence. "How many times you gone say fuck?" His face balls up, I'm kinda surprised that he aint throw something at me yet.

"Miss Fucking Valedictorian. Fuckity-fuck. Girl fuck you, the fuck." Kyle says without missing a beat. I hold back my laugh because I know that's he serious, but damn this nigga funny as fuck. "Anyways, back to my speech, they gone love whatever you give them, I promise you. Now go get in the fucking shower." I suck my teeth and grab my towel, I still don't agree with him but I know that he would drag my ass to the shower himself. 

"Let yourself out, love you dumb fuck," I tell him as I close the bathroom door. 

     Getting out the shower, I check the time. With three hours before I gotta leave the house, I'm in no rush. With a quick flick, I turn on the lights for my closet. The hell am I going to wear. Keeping it simple, I settle on black nike sweat shorts and the matching sweatshirt. For shoes I just grab my University Gold Air Jordan 12s and put some black nike socks underneath. Not full on picture worthy outfit but at least it's good enough for a quick mirror pic. I got to work on my face though.

    I walk into my vanity room and get to work. Starting with my hair, I grab my water wave wig. My braid down looks like it barely holding, but it's gonna have to do for today. Using the bald cap method, I glue, and blow-dry, and apply. After getting done with all the basics, all I have left to do is lay the edges since I wore the wig before. With all of that out of the way, I put on a scarf and begin my makeup. Keeping it basic, I prep my face and just do a natural look. My lipgloss and lashes really bout to carry the whole face. 

    Feeling satisfied with the look, I only have to do one more thing. Well I don't have to but I'm trying to be mature here. Despite my mixed feelings, I grab my valium. This use to be my least favorite thing ever until I switched my meds. I take my meds with some water. Out of the corner of my eye, I see my antidepressants. I know I said I was going to be mature, but I'm just gone skip over those for today. I don't need to feel out of it during the meeting. 

Grabbing my bag, I head out the door. I feel like I'm missing something, but I'm not 100% sure. Oh shit, my camera. Its pose to be a vlog day. I forgot to record me getting ready. I love my subscribers but they just gone have to accept what they can get today. I cut on cameras and make sure that it's recording. Time for my in

"What it do Divas, welcome back to DiServe..."