Villa

The fear of seniors is the beginning of evil.

10th  Tuesday September 2002

How do I start?  I don't know how to do this. I am not the type of person who writes in a diary, I don't write period that is  , sorry, was Aisha's area. 

Oh God! Aisha!... 

Corper Yetunde asked me to do this, she said it will help. She is the only one who is concerned about how I am coping with what happened. Everyone else is trying to fix me or Exorcise my demons looking at me with sympathy or worse for me to fix it, at least the ones who believe us that is.

I hate this. The not knowing. Not knowing how to feel or what to feel. I hate that I couldn't cry with Aisha's mom or the other moms. I wish I could cry scream or faint like the others. I wish I was among the dead.  I hate that I feel calm like any other day, well my version of calm that is.  Who feels the same after all that blood and death?
Maybe my mom's grand Aunt is right. Maybe I am possessed.

Corper Yetunde says that I feel numb but I know that is not true. If this is numb then I have been numb a lot time.

I'm rambling again. My mind tends to do that. My classmates used to hate when I ramble away especially when I am giving them hot gist.

Maybe I should write it like a long gist?

Here goes...

" So you know resumption was Saturday abi? Well almost nobody resumes except the S.U's and hijabian sisters and we juniors that had everything stolen from us the last term. We come early to steal other people's stuff too, as per circle must complete na. You try to explain to my mum that she should buy new buckets, bed, locker, shoes, bed sheets, blankets, plate etc for the 5th time in 2 years. So me, Aisha, Nana and Chinwe decided to come early to school.

The day started out uneventful, nothing unusual I had packed my box the night before and my mum dropped me off at the park with instructions to the driver to drop me at the gate, Senior Bili my neighbour that we used to come to school together did not follow me and the rumor in the area is that she is pregnant so her parents want to transfer her to the school in the area as a day student so that she won't miss school. 

I was excited to get to school and gist everyone. Especially as I overheard my mom and her friends gossiping about it. They think that Iya Bili is spoiling Senior Bili and that she won't learn her lesson. Aunty Janet with the creepy son even said that they should have aborted it instead of allowing themselves to be shamed.  I don't think anyone can embarrass Iya Bili everyone is afraid of Iya Bili, that woman is scary. I was excited about all the arguments this gist will cause. It was all I could think of during the trip.

Like I said before nothing happened, the journey was uneventful and the driver dropped me off at the school gate at around 4pm.

As soon as I entered school the first person I saw was Chinwe at the checking point, a barricade of desks a few metres from the gate where we get screened before entering school proper.

She was frowning at the back of the teacher carelessly going through her things. She hates people touching and disorganising her things. Unlike the rest of us Chinwe is part of the neat juniors, the only reason  I think she walks with us is because she is quiet so people think she is proud and they hate her for it.

She waves at me when she sees me and I drop my box next to hers and go and hug her.

"Fool! Why are you late? " she asked me with a smile and a nudge.

"There was traffic in Ibadan na. We can't all be coming from the capital." I replied her.

"Aisha and Nana have been here since 10 am. they have already hustled space for us already, they just went back to start moving our things and getting things ready." she told me as we walked together to the bursar's desk to tender my bank draft and collect my receipt.