The Weight (a Shawn Mendes fan-fiction)

Chapter 31

Teagans POV:

I begin to shake in Shawns arms. Just the thought of singing in front of anyone besides him makes me want to vomit. The air suddenly becomes thinner and I struggle to hold in the tears. I try to focus on certain things to stop what soon could be a train wreck of a panic attack. My mom back home, my dad: Shawn. His heartbeat coaxes my breathing to its original state and I breathe in my breath of fresh air. I sit with my head in Shawns chest and my arms around his torso. I couldn't do this; I can't do this.
Shawn hums a tune in my ear in attempts to calm me down. But he doesn't understand.

He knows I have anxiety, but he doesn't know about this... He can't know about this.
He'd have a fit.

*Backstory*

"Teagan? Are you ok?" My dad pressured me about my upcoming doctors appointment on the way there like he always had in the past.

I'm fine. I'm ok. Don't worry: all answers that were obvious lies in the past and still continue to be at this moment. I let out a sigh and decide to answer with a, "sure."

We pull into the tiny building that appeared like a prison on the outside and absolute hell on the inside. One thing is for certain, my medication wasn't helping and I needed it adjusted.

"Hello, Teagan. Good to see you again." The smiley lady behind the desk always said and she didn't break tradition. We sat in the plush chairs with the wooden handles as we waited for them to call my name.
A door opens and a blue eyed blonde pokes her head out the door to ask me to follow her.
Shawn had been to my former appointments with me as moral support. But this one was different. This was the one where I tell them I'm pregnant. This was the one where I lose my medication. And that: that would be hell.

My phone briefly vibrates in my pocket indicating an incoming message. I sneak the device out of my pocket and read the sender name.

Shawn thepantydropper Mendes

When the hell did he manage to do that???

Shawn: hey, babe!! I miss you!😘 when I get home from rehearsal I'm taking you out for dinner or something.

Me: sounds good! Oh and by the way... WHY THE HELL IS YOUR NAME SHAWN THEPANTYDROPPER MENDES IN MY CONTACTS?!?!

Shawn: because it's true (;

I decided against replying and instead shoved the phone back into my coat pocket and glanced at the doctor who was currently scribbling things on a sheet of paper.
She stops and gives a look of fear.
She excuses herself from the room but shortly returns with two other nurses. They exchange worried expressions and low whispers.
By this time my anxiety had set in and it hit me full swing.

"Ummm, Teagan... When's the last time you had a check up for your baby?"

"L-last month." I stutter.

"Honey, these papers: these results aren't showing you're pregnant anymore..."

My heart sank inside my chest.

What?
"I'm so so sorry. I'll go pack up your prescription and get you ready to leave."
The doctor exits the room leaving me to my thoughts.
One constant in my brain stuck... What will Shawn say?
A door knob turns startling my thought process indicating that I could leave.
"You're all set, Teagan! Again, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. I'll see you in another 3 months ok?" She gave a smile showing her pearly white teeth. Fxcking bitch...

I exit the small office while my dad pays for my appointment at the desk. Immediately, I slump into the seat and place my hands over my makeup free face. I drag my fingers down my forehead, cheeks, and finally end at my jawline somehow relieving stress in my body. I then place my hands to my stomach. It felt empty. Like the butterflies had died.

Texts:
Shawn: umm where are you and your father?

I didn't want shawn to worry and force his way into my car to accompany me here so I didn't tell him... Oops...

Me: on our way home from getting lunch

What he doesn't know won't hurt him...

*End of backstory*

Shawn whispers calming things into my ear as I sob silently. My breathing slows and I close my eyes, absorbing the moment.

"Babe?"

His raspy voice was just loud enough for me to hear but quiet enough to sound like his morning voice that I loved so much.

"...yeah?" My eyes remained closed and I leaned back a bit into his chest.
He kisses my head and then continues his sentence.

"Why'd you lie to me?"

At that moment my eyes flew open.

"What?"

"Why'd you lie to me? About your doctors appointment?" He seemed unphased by my surprise.

"I..I---"

"Teagan, it doesn't matter. Just please, tell me what they said."

I take a deep breath and look into his eyes.

He was about to get a dose of reality... My reality.