Male YouTuber Imagines

Its Too Late Now: by Skiller0Dani, Idea from ©thisisnotyourslayce

         Love is a game. If you win, you end up with happiness, but if you lose, you end up with an endless amount of pain in your heart like a bad taste in your mouth, and one word, one reminder and everything in your heart burns.  I was at the store when it happened, when I thought he finally left my mind. His stupid dimply smile, or his curly hair. His brown eyes to his side smirk. I thought I finally forgot, and I did, but then it happened. 

        My fingers wrapped around the neck of the wine bottle when I hear his name. It sounds like a rush of blood in  my ears, like a flow as static takes my vision. I have to place the wine bottle back on the shelf before it slips from my fingers. I hear her say it again. Dan Howell. The words are poison. They burn my ears and I don't want to hear them. I close my eyes struggling to keep it together. I take a deep breath as my fingers tap along the smooth glass of the bottle. I hear her speak again. 

"Can I have a picture?" 

"Yeah, you can." 

        This is when I finally turn my back to the shelf, leaving my eyes on him. Was he this tall in Uni? Or this mature looking? My god does he look old. He looks so much older than the last time I saw him. He is significantly taller, around 4 inches, even though he was already tall to begin with. The girl stood high up on her toes to kiss his cheek for the photo, but he still had to crouch down a bit. The simple fact that his tall figure was towering over this girl almost made unwanted giggles bubble up from somewhere deep in my stomach. The girl left after a century of talking and giggling and letting her glazed eyes shamelessly drag up and down his body. He was wearing a black shirt and black jeans that night. A white circle was on the shirt, and my god did he look perfect. The girl slowly left, helped out by the hand of her friend, and I turned my back as soon as Dan made his final wave, and shifted his body. 

        So my fingers again gingerly wrapped around the neck of the wine bottle, because I'm going to be doing a lot of drinking tonight just to forget Dan Howell ever existed in my life at all. I turned to leave as soon as I could, but I unfortunately had an obstacle I bumped into. I trailed my eyes up the long torso in front of me, already recognizing the black t-shirt. My eyes found his and suddenly I wanted to not be so close to him. 

"Y/N?"  

        He had said my name in such a way that made my hands shake. I side-stepped past him, to open up the once close vicinity I shared with him. 

"Hi Dan." 

"It's been a while, eh?" 

        He sounded so casual, and I don't know if that helped, or worsened my resolve. It helped my anxiety, but brought unbearable pain to my heart. 

"Yeah, its been a very long time." 

"How about I buy that bottle for you, and we can catch up?" 

        His brown eyes flickered over me as he sent me a half smile that made my heart begin to melt away, and it would seem as though my brain forgot how to say the word no. He took the bottle from me and gently placed it on the counter as the clerk rung it up. 

        The tension that rolled off of me didn't seem to bother him at all in the tiny compacted space we shared currently. We didn't bother to buy glasses, we just took swigs from the bottle, and as our pointless silly conversations drug on, my tension faded, but it still hurt to even look at him for too long. He makes me miss those times. When he would sneak into my room and kiss my neck whilst I slept. He would leave gifts for me to wake up to. I felt so important, and I can honestly say my only regret from Uni is ending it with him. The shattered expression on his face said that I just ripped out his heart as soon as the words left my lips. I never knew then, that months later I would fall asleep every-night thinking about how much I missed him. So as we sat here, for hours laughing and talking about life, I felt as though I were the only one in the car that was in love with the other. 

"So how has your life been Y/N?" 

"Alright. I'm a secretary now. Are you a lawyer?" 

"No I am actually doing that YouTube thing. I do it professionally." 

"That's good, that's really good." 

        He didn't say anymore for a little while, he just looked at me. But not in the way that he used to, and man why does it hurt so much. His eyes were soft, and welcoming, and bursting with everything but love. Which was the one thing I wanted to see in those endless brown eyes. 

"When did you move to London?" 

"A couple months ago..." 

        I took a pause, waiting to be able to savour his reaction, and he looked at me with his stupid goddamn perfect set of brown eyes.  

"...with my fiance..." 

        For the first time since I bumped into him hours ago, I really looked him in the eyes. But I didn't see what I wanted to, I saw a look in his eyes, that he was happy for me, and I wish I could say I loved my fiance like I love Dan, but I'm not sure I even love my fiance. 

"I wish I could say I really loved him. But I can't lie to you." 

        My eyes trail out the window to the cars that sped by, and the drunken couples who hung on to the side of the small corner store. I proceeded to tell Dan about my fiance, I talked for a long time, and not once did Dan ever look bored, or uninterested, and not once did his eyes leave me. 

"I think, deep down that you do, Y/N." 

"What?" 

"From what you've said, maybe you do love him." 

"Maybe." 

"Are you happy?" 

        As soon as he asks, the tears I've been fighting all night finally spill over, silently drifting down to my palm as this time I refuse to look him in the eye. I think that he know's. I think that he's known this whole time, that I fucking love him, and it hurts because he hasn't even mentioned it. I quietly ask for his address as I already agreed to driving him home. He instructs me to his building, as I still wont look at him when we've arrived. 

"If your unhappy, change what's making you unhappy, do whatever you can to be happy." 

        I couldn't respond as it finally sunk in. The inevitable truth that he's been trying to tell me all night, the man that through Uni, even to now has been my biggest supporter, as been trying to tell me since the moment I bumped into him at the corner store. That he has moved on, and I should as well. Tears built up again as I didn't want to hear the door close. He walked away in such a way that made me drop my head to the steering wheel and sob. He walked away with such a resolve that told me I was far too late to rekindle the love we once shared. 

It's too late now. 

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Song: First Day Of My Life. Cover by: Anna Scouten. (it was on repeat the whole chapter)