50 Shades Of Felix

Miss Colombia

The cool water was soothing on Felix's pale face, washing away all of the sweat and grease that had built up in his journey. His eyes were screwed shut from impact, so he slowly pried them open. Expecting to see nothing but murky grey water around him, he was shocked to say the least when he was greeted with a breathtaking underwater city.

"This must be... Atlantis," he gasped to himself. 

"No you fucking pombear, it's the realm of Miss Colombia," Steve scoffed. 

It was like a real fairytale kingdom, like in the ones he would read Edgar before they would go to sleep. Ugh, Edgar.

So caught up in awe of the kingdom, Felix didn't even notice the lengthy iridescent green tail he had grown over his legs. He moved around in the water so carelessly and free, he forgot what his actual task was: to find the second szechuan sauce bottle in Miss Colombia's hiding place. He had also forgotten that he was being hunted by the evil henchmen. Luckily, the ghost of Gulshan Kumar had spotted Backpack Kid descending into the waves just after them. Gulshan tried to drag Felix behind a tall pillar, until he remembered that he was a ghost. Steve Harvey however, swiftly sweeped the Swedish Youtuber behind the pillar and directly out of the backpack kid's line of vision.

"Be careful Felix!" Gulshan scolded. "You need to learn how to use your tail so you can get away fast." Once again, Felix was not listening. He was already extremely good at swimming, and flapped all the way to the entrance of the massive palace, where he assumed was the home of Miss Colombia, Gulshan and Steve eventually following not far behind. He knocked on the door three times, and after a short pause, the doors cracked open to reveal a mostly empty room with only a towering throne sitting at the very back. On the throne was an ethereal water goddess, an undeniably beautiful model: Miss Colombia. She seemed to be in some sort of trance, and was speaking this rhyme out loud. At the center of the ceiling above, a massive blue orb was glowing and rotating above. Felix tried to listen in to what she was saying.

Roses are red,

fear the final boss,

collect all the  szechuan,

but don't get lost in the sauce.

Roses are red, 

true love always wins, 

two gay lovers find out 

that they are fraternal twins.

The second stanza didn't make much sense to Felix, but the first verse was as clear as day. The final boss must be hard to beat. How could he ever get the final szechuan sauce bottle? His greatest fear was getting lost in the sauce. For the first time this journey, Felix felt scared.

"Steve, I don't wanna get lost in the sauce," Felix mumbled to his friend, tears welling in his eyes.

"Steve?" spoke a female voice. "Steve... STEVE HARVEY??????? I'LL EAT YOUR BALLS FOR BREAKFAST STEVE HARVEY!!!11!!!!1!!!1!!!" The look of rage on Miss Colombia's face was unlike anything Felix, Steve nor Gulshan had ever witnessed. 

"I knew it was bad for me to come here..." Steve Harvey muttered to himself. "Only I can fix this mistake, so no human will have to witness the wrath of Miss Colombia." He stepped froward into the palace, and kept walking forward until he got to the feet of the towering model. 

"I'm sorry for my treacherous mistake, Miss Colombia. I hope you can accept my sincere apology."

Miss Colombia's face softened.

"I'm sorry you were banished to the depths of Lake Tarawera, if I could change that I would. But for now, please calm down and help our poor friend, Felix, with his quest."

"Quest... I see this means a lot to you, Felix," she said, softening her voice. "Here's the szechuan sauce. I truly hope you succeed in the journey. If I will never have my freedom, I hope you will." Miss Colombia placed the bottle into Felix's hands. And just like that, Felix, Gulshan and Steve Harvey all ascended back onto the mainland by the glowing blue orb shooting them straight up into the air. Steve washed up on the beach fairly quickly, but Felix was a different story.