The Car Crash Club • Monsta X

xxxiii.

Hyungwon is fifteen when they read a book in school that feels all too familiar. The book is about a young boy who is in Boy Scouts. His troop leader pulls him aside and tells him that he's special, that he's different from the other boys. The leader brings the boy gifts, and sometimes, he has the boy's parents drop him off for a Boy Scout meeting, only no other boys were invited. He takes pictures of the boy and keeps them on a wall in his basement.

And the boy doesn't understand what's happening.

And Hyungwon doesn't want to understand either, but he feels scared. He tells himself that he is not the boy in the book, that the boy is fictional and Hyungwon is real and so is his relationship with Father. The person who wrote the book couldn't possibly understand what they meant to each other. No one cares about Hyungwon except for Father. Father listens to him and loves him. Hyungwon needs Father. The book makes it all sound so horrible, and Hyungwon doesn't know what to think.

He's confused, and he goes home to ask Father about it. Father takes the book from his hands, and he skims over the parts of it that Hyungwon was concerned about. He sets the book down and looks at Hyungwon.

Do you really think this book is about us? he asks Hyungwon. Does that sound anything like our relationship?

Hyungwon hesitates. He thinks that yes, certain parts of it are eerily similar to some of his past memories, but he sees how Father is looking at him and knows that he can't admit what he thinks. I don't know, he says because he can't completely deny it.

You don't know? Father asks. He sounds astounded that Hyungwon would suggest such a thing. Do you think the adult in this book loves the boy? he asks.

Hyungwon says no.

And do you think that I love you? Father asks Hyungwon next.

Hyungwon says that he knows this.

Then how are these two things even similar? Father says, and Hyungwon has no response.

--updated 07/28/20, part 1/3--