The Car Crash Club • Monsta X

xxxiv.

--warning: triggering content (not graphic but referenced rape)--

Hyungwon is first raped when he is sixteen. He discounts the years before because he didn't understand enough about consent to have realized that his had never been given. But when he's sixteen, he tells Father that he thinks they should stop, at least until Hyungwon could figure out a few things. Hyungwon remembers it was a Wednesday.

As usual when Hyungwon says something Father doesn't like, Father asks Hyungwon if he doesn't love him anymore. Hyungwon says he still loves Father and doesn't want Father to leave, but he thinks that maybe what they're doing isn't right and that they should just love each other with their words and hearts instead.

Father gets angry. He tells Hyungwon that he taught him everything he knows and that where would Hyungwon be without him?

And Hyungwon is scared but says he doesn't want to do those things with Father anymore. At least for now, he concedes.

Father says that Hyungwon is fucking around with Jooheon now, isn't he? And that he thinks he doesn't need Father anymore?

Hyungwon tries to tell Father this isn't true – he's never touched anyone else, and Father is the only one who has been with him – but Father doesn't believe him.

And so Father does what he usually does, only this time Hyungwon is crying and he keeps asking Father to stop, but Father doesn't stop until he's done what he came to do. Father, who was always a good listener, ignores Hyungwon's pleas. Hyungwon can barely breathe with his face pressed into the bedsheets, but finally, he's alone. He hurts both inside and out, and he's scared of what this means for him and Father. If maybe Father would leave him after all because Hyungwon doesn't want to be with him anymore, not in the way that Father wanted.

His bedroom door creaks open, and Hyungwon flinches. He's never been as afraid of Father as he is right now because he's finally realizing that maybe Father doesn't care about him at all, that he doesn't care about what Hyungwon wants and doesn't want because he wouldn't have done this to Hyungwon if he did care.

But when he looks over, he doesn't see Father but Mother in the doorway. He's hurt and humiliated, and for just a second, he thinks that maybe she'll help him, or at least make the pain go away.

But all she says to him is, Use ammonia when you wash the bedsheets to get the blood out.

And then she shuts the door, and he's alone again, more alone than he's ever been, and he's terrified.

--updated 07/28/30, part 2/3--