Ch. 1

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Sunday, October 13th.

6:15 a.m.

Jay Harlow.

"Breathe..." I whispered to myself.

I gripped the steering wheel of my truck until my knuckles grew white. I gritted my teeth as I tried to hold back the tears. I could practically hear my dad's voice; Oh gosh son, don't CRY. Tears aren't going to solve your problems! And then there was my mom, Oh darling, let him cry! He needs to!

My eyes rolled into the back of my head when I thought of my parents. That's the least of our problems. I thought. I stopped at the red light and stared at it, wanting someone or something to blame for all of this uncertainty.

This pain.

This fear.

I took a deep breath and it seemed to latch itself onto my lungs, hug itself against the walls of my chest. When I got anxious, it felt like a thousand tiny needles stuck into my palms and like my fingertips had become paralyzed.

"It's ok, you'll be fine." I told myself. My voice was hollow and weak as I looked out the window to see the city approaching in my view. "It's not all bad..." My voice faded and flashbacks of my childhood flushed out the anxiety.

Memories filled my mind and a pleasant, reassuring twang seemed to run through my body because I finally felt somewhat relaxed.

Playing outside of the baroness's home while Mom would run to the Village, which was essentially where all of the people of status lived. Being with my two little siblings, Emily and Jack. Going to Elementary, Middle and High School here. Living in the same house all my life. Watching my parents fall in love all over again everyday and praying I'd have half as good of a marriage as they did. Buying and bonding with my first horse, Dale. Working in my dad's cafe, Rick's; he never was one for names... Volunteering at the hospital Mom worked at. Being with and falling in love with my best friend, Alison Belle, every -- single -- day.

Oh God, do not start thinking about Ally...

I took in another breath, and this time, let it go. At least I remembered how to breathe...

I jumped when the car behind me honked; the light had turned green.

I inched forward as the anxiety pushed itself back into my mind and tried to contaminate every inch of optimism I possessed. I shook my head, trying to throw the fear out.

Think of the positive side of things, right? I was moving back into my childhood home. I'd get to see my family again, reunite with some old friends; although I never had many besides -- Ally. I'd get to rejoin one of the most pristine Equestrian Centers in Montana. New apartment, new house, eventually. New Job. A new life ahead. My only hesitation was -- Ally.

What if she didn't live in Missoula anymore?

What if she fell off the deep end?

What if she hated me?

I tried to stop pondering on my fears, but every moment I tried, more questions dug themselves right back in.

The sunshine spilled over the autumn scene in Silverglade; something to charm my dampening mood... I tried to distract myself with the October beauty. Leaves fell from the trees, littering the ground with their vast array of colors. The thick, dark trees stood tall beside the roads, their branches swaying along to the soft breeze. The Village was gorgeous, primped to perfection to match each season that passed through. The vast green fields stretched out wide and far into the northwestern mountain ranges. I could see the stable lit up already; riders rolled like a wave out into the fields, trails and roads. The city itself was just beginning to awake.

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