Ever Since New York // H.S. - ON HOLD

CHAPTER 6 - YOU AGAIN

A/N - IDK WTF HAPPENED BUT IT DELETED THIS CHAPTER IM SO SORRY

. . . 

I drop Ginny off at Emma's since it is on the way to my session with Lisa. She woke up as the happiest kid ever, and it put my heart at ease. Ginny's the one thing that distracts my mind completely. I think if things were different and I didn't end up having her, I wouldn't be alive today. My inner demons would have been too much and I would've lost hope completely.

I arrive at eleven on the dot and take my usual seat on her dark blue sofa. The sun is shining and there is not a single cloud in the sky today. The breeze cools your skin in the best way and the temperature is perfect so much so that you just want to spend the whole day outside. At least I can enjoy the pretty view from Lisa's office.

"Let's start shall we? Where's that letter?" She completely jumps the gun and I sigh greatly.

"I couldn't do it." I admit, shuffling in my bag to find the notebook from last night.

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" She questions.

"No. I couldn't do it. I tried. I sat there for over an hour and tried to write something cohesive, but I couldn't." I open my notebook to the pages of scribbles and jumbled sentences and hand it over to her. She examines it intensely, as if she is trying to read my mind through the crossed out words on the paper.

"It's pathetic. I know he doesn't have control over me anymore, but it's like if I know he could see or hear me, he would. I mean I am a writer for god sakes! I should've been able to write that stupid letter no problem! But I couldn't shake the image of him out of my head. His reaction to my words. The vile things I know he would say in response just made me fear putting anything on the paper." I scream out in frustration. Mostly with myself, but also with Peter for everything he put me through.

"This is good though. You're recognizing your emotions." She writes on her notepad as usual.

"Yeah, almost too much. I've just been on edge and anxious the past few days." I chew at my lip, another bad habit that I've acquired because of my anxiety and insecurity.

"Because of the letter? And that he might get parole?" She questions.

"No. I mean kind of. The idea of him getting out is always in the back of my mind, but that's more subconscious anxiety. And if I'm being honest, I totally forgot about the letter until I read your text last night." I admit.

"Then what's making you so anxious?" She questions further.

"I mean it's nothing. Like it shouldn't mean anything. It's just that I met someone." I say quickly, not really wanting to talk about it.

"Evelyn Winters...this is great news!" She beams and I look at her confused until I realize what she meant.

"Oh my god, no! Not like that, god no. That's not happening. We both know that." I scoff and cross my arms over my chest as I sit back, becoming dead weight on the sofa.

"Then please elaborate because you got my hopes up." She looks me dead in the eyes, waiting for answers.

"I went out with Cara on Friday night. It was a big VIP event downtown and long story short, Cara ended up ditching me. It was really overwhelming. I was so close to having two full blown panic attacks. One while I was getting ready. Peter's voice about how I was dressed just rang through my head, but I overcame that one. Then at the club, I was getting flashbacks from when he would force me to drink, but would lace it and I would blackout." I look up to her and she's writing on her notepad still, but listening intently, so I keep going.