/Traveller/
In our world, our life is divided into 3 phases. The first phase is the waiting period, where we wait for a sign from the ritual to tell us where to go. The third phase is when you settle down with the person you love and start a family, to continue the cycle. It's the second phase that one might consider the most interesting though, as it's the journey itself.
We grow up waiting, then feel forced to settle one day. Maybe my thoughts on this will change when I reach the third phase, but phase 2 always seemed the most appealing. It's the only time we get to travel. It's the only time where we have no limitations. It's the closest we get to freedom.
If you were to ask me what my name was, I would ask you to simply refer to me as Traveller. Names exist in a strange way in this world, as the first two phases often result in meeting people that you will never meet again. Growing up I was given a name, and that name was mine. But now I'm just a traveller, who will be gone the next day. There's no reason for me to give out my name, as all I'll ever be to these persons is but a humble traveller, a single wandering keilo in a world filled with people on their journeys. My name holds little meaning until the third phase, so until then I wish to keep it to myself.
For now, there's little to worry about in life. I get to travel free. I get to see new places. I get to live with no ties or responsibilities. The best part is that I know that my match exists. The first phase is the scariest part of life, because we never know if they're truly out there. As time goes on, we get older and the fears deepen themselves into us. We begin to worry that we'll be trapped on the first phase forever, that we'll die alone and never get a match to meet. We'll wonder if we even deserve to have one, or if we were simply someone that no one was able to truly love. It's a terrifying thing. As soon as you're old enough to think you become aware of this. You live the beginning of your life in fear that it will never begin.
It may have taken longer than usual, but I got mine. My match is out there. She exists. She's real. There's nothing left to worry about. I have to find her, sure, but knowing that I won't be trapped in the first phase my whole life is a large burden removed from my back. I always looked forward to the journey. The end of the journey worries me a bit, but it means the world to me to finally get to leave my little town in the middle of nowhere and see the rest of the world.
***
It's been a month since I left. I've been putting this off because I didn't want to jump to conclusions or overthink it, but it's starting to worry me now. A week in, my first ritual pointed me in the same direction. The idea is to go to one every week to get more precise directions as you get closer and closer. I've been so focused on the happiness of getting to leave and start phase two, and the worries of my journey ending and having to root myself, that this caught me off guard more than I could have expected.
But the last three rituals didn't work. I got nothing. I didn't glow, I didn't feel anything. I didn't get a direction. It didn't make sense. After your first, you should have one every week. It shouldn't stop working after it begins. There's only one reason why this would happen, and it's something I'm too scared to think about.
When it first happened, I attracted a few stares as people noticed. I tried to shrug it off with a smile, and just say that she probably didn't make it this week. I was sure that it would work the next week. In the next town it didn't work either. People began to look at me with looks of sadness and sympathy, feeling sorry for me for what was implied to have happened. I left as soon as I could, but it still hurt me a lot inside.
It's the third week in a row that it hurt the most. My hope was fluctuation. I was terrified that it might happen again. I wasn't sure what to think or do. This wasn't how life was supposed to go. This wasn't how things were supposed to exist. I was just meant to travel around for a while before finding them. I would be happy just settling and living a boring life if I at least got to meet them. It's not like I wanted this to happen. I don't want to be trapped in the second phase. I won't ever have a home that way. I won't get to use my name. I won't have a purpose. I won't have anything. I'll just be trapped in a cycle where I'll only be met with looks of sorrow and sympathy. That's all I'd ever be to the world, the lone, purposeless traveller.
This was the third week in a row that nothing happened. The town currently had no travellers, and none of them had their ritual activate. It was pure darkness and silence around us for those ten, awkward minutes. When it finished everyone's, eyes turned to me. They were all expecting something to happen. They all knew that something was wrong. They all jumped to the same conclusion that every other town had.
I couldn't bring myself to believe it. It just didn't feel right. I kept trying to convince myself that it was alright, that I was misunderstanding what was happening. I wanted to believe that it would make sense one day, and that I could look back and laugh at it. But I couldn't find any reason to believe it. I was conflicted. I was trapped in a delusion. The only thing that made sense was the outcome that everyone else was sure of: that she was dead.
