*Andrew's pov* Anxiety. A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. So the feeling that I have bad basically all the time. People on Shane's channel mostly know me as shy, and someone who doesn't talk too much, both of which are true, but are caused by my severe anxiety. Anxiety is something that everyone has, and that most people have diagnosed as a severe problem for, me being one of them. I am an introvert, I definitely tend to keep to myself, and being in videos is a struggle but I do love being in them. Working with shane is a dream. He's an awesome person to be working with on such cool stuff and is completely understanding when it comes to mental health related problems or if I'm sick. We're not on a time limit at all when it comes to work, since it's on our own time. And it's so cool. The down side to having a lot of time to work is the fact that I can go back and look at the video that I'm editing or that I just finished editing, even after Shane has approved it and said "Andrew this is literally the best, an icon" (in true Shane fashion), I still go back and start overthinking things.
This is where I'm at today. Sitting at my desk, 7am, I just woke up surprisingly. Looking at my laptop screen with the video playing, looking for any kind of mistake that I made in the video, or pointing out new ones that aren't even there. My chest feels like it's going to explode, same with my head. I just keep looking at the video, looking for mistakes, or creating them, and giving myself more anxiety. It's now 9am. I've been at this for two hours and I'm now having a full blown anxiety attack. I can't breathe and am shaking. It's insane how a video that I spent a month editing, which I love, is making me feel this way. Crazy. I finally reach my phone and send a shaky text to y/n asking her to come into my office and calm me down since she's here and I'm assuming awake based on the slight noise in the kitchen. I hear the noise in the kitchen suddenly stop and then hear footsteps coming towards my office door. By this time there were tears running down my face and I had no idea why. My anxiety attacks where different every time. One day I could be like this, and the next I could just have a minor one. It's different every time I have one. Y/n opens the door and sees me hovering over my laptop fighting for breath with tears streaming down my face while I'm shaking and quickly shuts my laptop and pulls me out of the chair carefully walking me to the living room of my apartment. She sat me down and sat on the coffee table across from me, and put my face in her hands. "Andy" I put my shaky hands on her arms and she continued "Andrew, shhhhhh take a deep breath" she pulled me into a hug and we stayed there for a few minutes until shane walked into my apartment looking for me "Hey Andrew I was wondering where-" y/n and I looked up and Shane looked at our situation and said "I can come back tomorrow if you want?" I shook my head. "What's up?" "I was wondering where the hard drive with the video you edited is?" "In my office it's probably still plugged into my computer" me nodded and went to grab it. "Andrew I have to call my mom but I'll be back in a few minutes okay?" I nodded. After she left, I grabbed my phone with my still, shaky ass hands, and scrolled through Instagram until shane came out of the room and started talking. "I don't want to be nosey, or like seem intrusive, but what happened?" "I had an anxiety attack after I was watching the video back. It happens sometimes, especially when I'm not in the room with you editing together. I criticize every little thing I see and sometimes create things that are 'bad' in the video and point that out to myself causing me to have an anxiety attack." "You've never told me this?" "No I thought it was stupid until it happened more frequently, that's why I'm always editing at your house and never here. I like having people around to keep me calm. Y/n was just calming me down when you walked in" I laughed. "Makes sense. Sometimes I look over at you when you're editing and you look extremely anxious, I never say anything just in case your fine but now I know I probably should." He smiled at me. Y/n came back in the room and in true y/n fashion said "are you girls done, or am I supposed to go hang with Ryland?" We laughed. "No Andrew and I were just talking I'm done now, he's all yours." Shane said his goodbyes and left y/n and I alone.
"Let's get you to bed yeah?" "But it's only 4pm?" "I know. You've been up all night Andy". I nodded sheepishly, she pulled me up off the couch and brought me to bed. I flopped onto the bed and she put my hat on my head for no apparent reason. I chuckled. "Considering I found you cuddling your hat the last time I came over, so I assumed you'd want it." I shook my head. "As nice as that is, I don't want my hat." "What do you want then?" "You" I pulled her on top of me and she wrapped her arms around my waist. "You know this isn't right, right?" "What are you talking about y/n?" She got off of me and pulled me on top of her lap after sitting at the head board of my bed. "See now this is right. I'm supposed to be making YOU feel better, not vice versa." She started playing with my hair and I sighed in content.
*y/n's pov* Andrew fell asleep after a short few minutes of me playing with his hair and massaging his head. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket and took a picture of him and posted it on my Instagram. ________________________________ yourusername:
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@yourusername: tired boy.
Tagged: @andrewsiwicki ________________________________ ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Hi. I also had anxiety last night so I started writing this one, and finished it this afternoon. I hope you enjoy. Love you. <3
