issues ☆ Outer Banks // JJ

XII - Bonnie and Clyde

'Tell me when the light goes out
That even in the dark we will find a way out
Tell me now 'cause I believe in something
I believe in us'

Us - James Bay

☆☆☆☆

'would you stop flinching like a 6 year old?' I questioned dabbing JJ's lip, him sat on my bathroom counter. I was stood between his legs

'it hurts' he groaned, his eyes watering with every dab. 

'i'm nearly done' he rose his hands in triumph 'then I need to clean your knuckles' looking down seeing his scratched and already bruising hands 

'you're lucky my parents are away for the night' I spoke, throwing the bloodied cotton in the trash. 

'yeah, didn't realise you had a front door' he said, creating a slight awkward tension between us 'only used to coming through your balcony' chuckling at his own remark. 

'well, my balcony door is never locked' I spoke.

he whipped his head around looking in the bathroom mirror admiring my handy work. 

'never took you as the nurse type' he said wincing his eye open.

'you learn where the first aid box is when you skateboard while drunk and high' i chuckled reimagining the night in my head.

'was it really that crazy?' he questioned, i was guessing he was referring to boarding school 

'all rich kids know the best dealers and fake ids so yes' 

'you really are a changed girl' hearing him say it, make my heart break. 

'nah, I'm still the nervous shy girl at heart' i replied, feeling the lump in my throat

'You've changed you've got this new found confidence' he spoke, glancing softly at my eyes 

I reached for his hand, dipping another cotton pad in the rubbing alcohol from the first aid box. slowly wiping his hand, feeling him flinch even more. 

my mind constantly racing, his touch on mine, feeling his fingertips so close to mine.

i wanted nothing more than to tell him how i felt, but it was JJ, he would never feel the same and would most likely laugh like John B said he did. He'd laugh it off and tell me i was stupid. before i left it was like a dream like a Romeo and Juliet star-crossed lovers moments but there was nothing against us, just maybe our friends and my parents but we wouldn't care. 

if we felt the same about each-other we would've told each other in the moments we spent together, rather than just treating each other like friends with benefits which we agreed to be. 

Falling, was the issue, I fell for the boy who had no cares and worries. he didn't seem to care who he hurt. I was just a passing moment actually a passing fuck for fun. 

I didn't want that though, I wanted more, I just didn't tell him. 

'Summer' I felt my mind stop and the tear roll from my eye to my cheek. 

'all done' I spoke, wiping the tear as I tossed the cotton pad in the trash

'Summer, what's wrong?' he asked, lowering my head to hide my eyes and the sutble waterfall coming from them. 

'nothing, j' I muttered, not seeing his hand reach for mine as he pulled me in front of him to show myself. 

'you're a shit liar' he snapped

'what's that supposed to mean?' i questioned crossing my arms, staring him down

'you've changed summer, the old summer wouldn't be doing this right now, she would've  freaked out like pope' he continued 'called John B and panicked but you didn't you brought me to your house' 

'it's not like you haven't been here before?' i snapped back

'at least you didn't winch when you said it that time' He spoke, what was he talking about?

'what?'

'every time we talk about us, you winch, run away or change the conversation' he said furrowing his brow slightly

'there was no us JJ, we were friends who casually fucked' i spoke, raising my voice. 

'i mean i was gonna say friends with benefits but friends who casually fucked sounds better' he chuckled

'exactly, we were like Bonnie and Clyde just without the robbery and murder' i spoke turning my back trying my hardest not to cry. 

'so would you ever want to go back to that?' what the fuck?

I froze for a few seconds trying to take in what he just said, part of me wanted to say yes. knowing deep down I didn't want that, I never wanted that. commitment and loyalty was what I wanted, commitment being a word not even probably in JJ's vocabulary. 

quicking wanting to change the subject, I spoke 'you can stay in the guest room or here if you want?' going to open my drawer to pull out a t-shirt

'i'm taking that as a No then' he said

'well what am I supposed to say, yes I loved when we had to sneak around and we lied to our best friends for months' I rambled further 'I had to lie to my parents, my sister, it ate me alive for months, I loved panicking every time I heard the door knob turn when you were here'

'would you shut up for 2 minutes' he spoke, smirking slightly 

'make me maybank'  , his face inches from mine, his eyes darting between mine. before slowly placing his lips on mine, threading his arms around my waist. closing my eyes it felt like i was 15 again before everything went wrong.

I pulled back, seeing the smirk on his face 'what was that for?'

'to get you to shut up' his smirk growing. pushing his face closer to mine again, replacing his lips on mine again. feeling his hands travel down my body towards my ass , carefully picking up my legs as I wrapped them around his waist.

'want me to stop?' he asked pulling back from me.

'no' I spoke, moving my hands to run them through his hair. 

you could easily get lost in  a moment like this, it felt normal and natural and something I had dreamt of for months. 

he stepped back, placing himself on my bed, our lips still connecting as he reached for the hem of his t-shirt pulling it over his head to reveal his softly chiseled body. 

placing his hands back on my waist, his cold rings like ice against my back. feeling for the bottom of the top hanging from my shoulders, pulling it over my head and throwing it back, seeing the smile covering his bruised and beaten face. 

it felt right but I could still feel the doubt in my head. 

'are you sure summer?' he said pulling back from me again. 

'JJ...' I spoke, seeing worry fill his eyes 'yes' 

something I always admired was the fact it wasn't just him he was thinking about In moments like this, he acted like he cared and I hoped he really did. 

☆☆☆☆

so kind of been MIA for a while, its been a weird few weeks and I was gonna update last Wednesday but was kind of hungover so couldn't but I promise back to regularly updating now

thank you for 450 reads 

Abbie x

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