Bullshit Magazine Returns

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Jay: (bursts into GD’s office) OK, THERE’S AN EMERGENCY!!
GD: What is it?
Jay: (drops newspaper onto GD’s desk) LOOK AT THIS!
GD: (picks up paper) WHAT?! SEUNGRI HAS SEX WITH MINOR?! DAFUQ?! (storms out of office)
Jay: GD, I don’t think you should go to Seungri's office!
GD: (ignores Jay)
Jay: I almost died going in there!
GD: (stops and turns around) What do you mean?!
Jay: I walked in, showed him the article, and he started screaming like a demon.
GD: Wait… Wha- (hears a faint sob) Oh god… (runs to Seungri’s office)
Seungri: (is packing everything into his bag) (sobbing-) I can’t take this anymore! I need to get out! I shouldn’t have accepted this job! (turns and sees everyone staring at him) I’M SORRYYYYYyyyyyyy (gets on the floors and bows) (sobs loudly) Why does everything that’s bad happen to me?! I wanna fucking die! (continues sobbing)
GD: (drops paper) (runs over to Seungri) Seungri, what happened?!
Seungri: Jiyong, please, get away from me! I’m just gonna get YOU involved in shit! I disappoint everyone! (gets up) (picks up a pen and notebook) (shoves GD out of the way) (runs away sobbing)
GD: Oh, shit! (runs after Seungri) SEUNGRI! COME BACK HERE!
Seungri: (runs past Taeyang, TOP, and Daesung)
Taeyang: SEUNGRI! WHAT’S WRONG?!
GD: (runs by them) IT’S HAPPENING AGAIN!
Daesung: SHIT! (they all run after him)
TOP: SEUNGRI! COME BACK!
Seungri: (runs out of building with BIG BANG following) HOW COULD’VE HE TOLD PEOPLLLLE?! I THOUGHT I TOLD HIM NOT TOOOOOO!
GD: SEUNGRI, GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!
Seungri: Stop following me! You’ll end up in the Bullshit Magazine too!
Taeyang: BRO, GET BACK DAFUQ BACK OVER HERE! WE WANT TO HELP YOU!
Seungri: (stops in his tracks) (the members finally catch up to him)
GD: Now, tell us what happened. We’ll listen to you.
Seungri: Well… He literally lies all the time, especially about me.
TOP: (storms off angry)
Seungri: TOP?! Where are you going?!
TOP: (looks behind his shoulder) TO KICK THAT GUY’S ASS!
Daesung: I’ll catch you guys later. (runs after TOP) TOP! top…
GD: (pulls Seungri in for a hug) It’s ok… We’ll help you…
Seungri: Why would you help someone like me?
Taeyang: I’m gonna go clean your office back up. That way y’all can have some privacy. (ruffles Seungri’s hair) Take it easy, bro. (walks away)
GD: I wanna help you because… I love you…
Seungri: You what?
GD: I love you… I always have… I want to make sure you're happy and safe… I don’t like seeing you this way… It breaks my heart…
Seungri: You… LOVE love me?
GD: YES! I LOVE LOVE YOU!
Seungri: No way! Me too!
GD: Wait… Wot?
Seungri: That’s why I love teasing you and making you feel embarrassed or shy!
GD: Oh… I thought it was because you like seeing me beet-red and smiling 24/7…
Seungri: That too! It’s cute when you smile shyly! You look like the tomato from Veggie Tales!
GD: (laughs) I hate you!
Seungri: Am I wrong tho?
GD: Well- you look like the cucumber from Veggie Tales!
Seungri: I KNOW I DO- shit…
GD: HA! I win! (smiles exaggeratedly)
Seungri: But…
GD: But what?
Seungri: Doesn’t Taeyang wearing caps look like the Asparagus from Veggie Tales in a cap?
GD: (wheezes) YES!
(cut to TOP sitting on a bench)
Daesung: (runs up to TOP) TOP? What’s up with you lately? (sits next to TOP)
TOP: What do you mean?
Daesung: You’ve become a lot more aggressive, especially when it comes to Seungri.
TOP: I don’t want him getting into trouble again. He’s already been through so much. He’s the first thing people think of when talking about scandals! I want to help him get out of that!
Daesung: TOP… I need to tell you something…
TOP: What?! What is it that is SO IMPORTANT at this minute, other than my feelings?!
Daesung: HAVEN’T YOU EVER CARED ABOUT HOW I’M FEELING RIGHT NOW?! SEEING YOU STORM OFF, READY TO PUNCH THE FIRST GUY YOU SEE?! YOUR… turning into me… and I’m turning into you…
TOP: (slumps back) Wow… I’ve never thought of that… That IS what’s happening…
Daesung: But, I mean, this is a good thing.
TOP: How is it a good thing?! I don't wanna turn into an overprotective bastard!
Daesung: That's not what I meant!
TOP: What could you possibly mean then?
Daesung: Have you ever heard the saying, "Once you start falling for someone, you become more like them"?
TOP: Yeah, so?
Daesung: Sooooo… I'm sensing…  that we may… possibly… like each other…
TOP: Wait, hold on… You're saying that we switched perspective because we seem to like each other?
Daesung: Yeah.
TOP: I mean… should we… try it out… being together… being officially a couple?
Daesung: I mean, if you want…
TOP: I would really like that.
Daesung: Alright, then, I guess, we're a couple now…
TOP: Yep… (they sit in silence for a bit) (leans into Daesung) 
Daesung; (stops him) What are you doing?
TOP: (takes Daesung's hand off) (continues learning in) (kisses Daesung)
Daesung: (has a blushed expression on his face) We should… go back to the company…
TOP: Yeah… (gets up) (holds his hand out like a prince) Come my princess! We shall walk to YG Entertainment castle together! We mustn't dilly dally!
Daesung: (holds laugh in) Why yes we shall not! (takes TOP's hand) (stands up) (they link arms and start walking to YG Entertainment)
(cut to Tía and Ier in Tía's office)
Tía: You see! I always KNEW that Seungri was a bad guy! He had sex with a 16 year-old!
Ier: Well, you don't know if that stuff is the truth. You can't always believe everything you read.
Tía: Well, what if it is true?! What if that rapist had sex with a minor?!
Ier: He's not a rapist! How many times do I gotta tell you?!
Tía: Well- (sighs) You see, I truly like Seungri. I really do, but seeing this shit makes me SO ANGRY! 
Ier: It makes me angry too, seeing Seungri have to suffer like this, but you can't just start bashing him for things that aren't proven true yet. 
Tía: Why not? Everyone else is.
Ier: If those same people jumped off a bridge, would you join?
Tía: What kind of bridge?
Ier: It's a really high, big bridge. No water, no parachutes, and there's 2384920 lb. alligators that eat people at the bottom. Would you jump?
Tía: No, but I have jumped off a bridge before.
Ier: Really? Where? When? Tell me about it!
Tía: It was when I was growing up. My family had a river in the back of the house in a woodsy area. There was a low bridge and every day after school, I'd jump off the bridge into the river and swim in it.
Ier: Sounds fun! My childhood consisted of Spaghettios, Petpetpark, and PBS Kids.
Tía: That too! I was a spoiled child.
Ier: (laughs)
(cut to Jay typing away on her keyboard and making 20 phone calls)
Taeyang: Hey, Jay-
Jay: (silences Taeyang) WHAT DO MEAN IT WAS ALL TRUE?! DON'T TELL ME- WE CAN'T FIRE HIM BECAUSE HE ALREADY QUIT NOT TOO LONG AGO! HE JUST- I DON'T CARE! I WANT YOU TO FIND WHO WROTE IT AND HAVE THEM BRING THEIR ASS OVER HERE ASAP! YOU HEAR ME?! GOODBYE! (slams phone to receiver) 
Taeyang: What was that about?
Jay: I found the newspaper company who wrote that stuff about Seungri! Apparently, they claim it all to be true!
Taeyang: Really?!
Jay: Yeah! We should be expecting this asshole to show up at any minute this week to explain his/her self! I swear, I'm about to give this guy wall-to-wall combat when I see him!
Taeyang: Don't say that. You wouldn't do that. 
Jay: Sure I would! This bitch deserves it!
Taeyang: I know, but that doesn't mean you should. You could get yourself into trouble. I wouldn't want you to get into trouble. I would be sad.
Jay: Ok, fine I won't. 
Taeyang: Good.
(cut to Seungri crying in GD's arms)
GD: Please don't quit, Seungri. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. 
Seungri: B-b-but I can't st-stay there having that b-burden on me.
GD: I know it hurts, but you've gotta pull yourself together and get stronger. You can't live your life quitting and quitting over and over and over again. 
Seungri: Why not?!
GD: Because it's unhealthy to live an on-and-off life. You won't have a single routine to live by.
Seungri: S-so what?! I already have an enemy here anyway. Plus, I can just go back to the cafe. At least I won't have to go through this again. 
GD: Honey… (kisses Seungri) You have to know that I will always be there for you. I want you to realize I love you. And I'm always trying to make sure you're happy. Understand what I'm saying?
Seungri: Yes. Now kiss me, oppa. (kisses GD)
GD: (blushes and playfully pushes Seungri away) You're such a fucking nuisance.
Seungri: I am, aren't I? (kisses GD's cheek)
GD: I love you. (kisses Seungri)
Seungri: I love you too. (kisses GD) Let's go back now, shall we?
GD: Indeed we shall! (they start walking back to YG Entertainment)
(cut to Taeyang and Jay waiting impatiently in the office)
Taeyang: Ugh! When is this bitch gonna get here?!
Jay: Soon! Calm down!
Taeyang: I want this bitch to get here so I can POUND him!
Jay: You're acting more aggressive than me!
Taeyang: SHUT UP! SEUNGRI IS MY BABY AND I LOVE HIM!
Jay: What do you mean you LOVE him?
Taeyang: NOT LIKE THAT, BUT HE'S BEEN WITH ME FOR OVER 10 YEARS! HE'S LIKE FAMILY TO ME!
Jay: Well geez! Calm down!
Taeyang: DON'T YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN WHORE!
Jay: (slaps Taeyang) THAT'S FOR CALLING ME A WHORE! (slaps him again) AND THIS IS FOR YOU TO WAKE THE FUCK UP!
Taeyang: (takes handkerchief out of pocket) (covers face with it) (starts sobbing)
Jay: (pats Taeyang) You're alright. (rubs Taeyang's head)
Blue: (walks into office) Hello? I was sent here by my boss?
Jay: Ah, yes! Hello, my name’s Jay and this is Taeyang. We have to discuss something with you.
Blue: What’s there to discuss? I said what I said, and I have no regrets! He deserves it! Karma is a bitch!
Taeyang: (slaps Blue) WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?! BECAUSE OF YOU, WE LOST HIM AGAIN JUST AFTER GETTING HIM BACK! HE WOULDN’T DO SUCH A THING! ESPECIALLY NOT WITH SOMEONE AS UGLY AS YOU!
Jay: (puts her hand on his shoulder) Calm down! I told you to not explode in front of him!
Taeyang: You will pay for this, skank! (goes and sits down)
Blue: Pay for what?! All of what I wrote actually happened!
Jay: Ok, to prove that, tell us the story without looking at the article. Then, if it is similar to the article, we’ll believe you.
Blue: Ok, fine! I came into Seungri’s office because my roommate, Yooki, wanted to introduce his new friend from work. So, as soon as he left, we started throwing hands at each other. When we heard Yooki coming back, he saved my ass from getting into trouble by hugging me. He then started having a crying-fit. I explained to him that I was a huge fan of him and that my boss changed my original story. He said he understood. I asked him if I could fulfill my dream, which was to kiss him. So, we kissed. Later that day, he snitched on me by telling Yooki about the article, so I gave the ultimate payback.
Taeyang: (walks out)
Jay: Taeyang. (follows him) Taeyang, where are you going?
Taeyang: I'm gonna March over there right now-
Jay: Taeyang, stop!
(cut to Seungri and GD walking together)
Taeyang: (walks up to Seungri) ARE YOU FOR REAL RIGHT NOW?!
GD: What are you so heated about?
Taeyang: You are about to be in a second once I confront this slut!
GD: What do you mean?
Taeyang: ALL OF THE SHIT IN THE ARTICLE IS TRUE!
GD: (lets go of Seungri) What?!
Taeyang: Yeah, the guy who wrote the article came in, saying that Seungri made out with him! And this kid is 16!
GD: (looks at Seungri) Is that true?! You made out with a 16 year old?!
Seungri: Yes, but-
GD: (slaps him)
Seungri: At least let me explain what happened!
GD: I don't wanna hear a WORD from you ever again! Making out with a 16 year old?! That's enough for me to start beating you right here right now! Now, don't let me see your face again or you'll die! You hear?! (walks away)
Seungri: Taeyang… 
Taeyang: It had to be done, Seungri… I'm disappointed in you… And I don't think GD is gonna forgive you… And neither will I. (follows up with GD)
Seungri: (collapses) Well… I guess it's back to your old life Seungri… Back to the cafe… I hope I can still get my job back there… I shouldn't have accepted this job… I might as well go and finish packing my stuff… (gets up) (slowly starts walking towards YG Entertainment)
(cut to Blue walking out of YG Entertainment)
Seungri: (bumps into him) Sor- Wait… YOU! (grab Blue by the jacket and drags him) HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! MY BEST FRIENDS JUST TURNED ON ME AND GD CUT IT OFF BETWEEN US BECAUSE OF YOU! HOW COULD YOU REVEAL THAT INFORMATION?! HUH?! I TOLD YOU TO NOT SPEAK OF THIS TO ANYONE!
Blue: I didn't tell anyone. I wrote it down.
Seungri: OK SMARTASS! HOW'S THIS FOR A FAREWELL?! (slaps him) GOODBYE! (storms into YG Entertainment)
Blue: Worth it. (walks away)
Seungri: (rushes into office) (starts shoving things into bags)
Daesung: (walks in) Hey, Seungri. Can I talk to you?
Seungri: Make it quick.
Daesung: Wait… Why are you packing your bags? ARE YOU LEAVING AGAIN?
Seungri: I have to… All the things in that article is true… I'm disgusting… I shouldn't have even thought about working here…
Daesung: (hugs Seungri) Don't leave me… Please stay… 
Seungri: (rubs Daesung's back) I'm sorry… I have to leave… (grabs stuff) I'll see you, Daesung. (walks out of office)
Daesung: (collapses) (starts sobbing)
GD: (walks by exit/entrance) (sees Seungri) Hey, I wanna talk-
Seungri: Don't bother. Take care of yourself for me. Ok? (walks out)
GD: (hears a faint sob) (walks to Seungri's office) (opens door) (sees Daesung crying on the floor) Daesung! What's wrong?
Daesung: (sobbing-) HE JUST LEFT ME!
GD: Who did?
Daesung: SEUNGRI LEFT ME!
GD: What do you mean?
Daesung: HE QUIT JUST NOW… HE'S NOT GONNA COME BACK! (continues sobbing) 
GD: (rushed outside) (sees Seungri's car started) He didn't leave yet. Phew! (runs up to his car) (opens car door and closes it) (locks the doors) (looks over and sees Seungri hunched over) Hey, are you ok? (Seungri doesn't respond) Hey! (pushes Seungri) (Seungri flops back on the seat and is unconscious) SEUNGRI! (shakes him) Hey! Are you ok? Wake up! Wait… if I remember correctly…
FLASHBACK
GD: Ok, I hope this Snow White shit works. (kisses Seungri)
Seungri: Since I can only be woken from a kiss, kiss me again!
BACK TO GD IN THE CAR
GD: (kisses Seungri)
Seungri: (wakes up) Oh… Hey, GD…
GD: Are you ok?
Seungri: No…
GD: What's wrong?
Seungri: Guess…
GD: Guess I can use this time to talk to you. Listen, what you did was bad. However, that doesn't mean we're over. You just have to promise me that you'll never cheat again. Especially not with a kid.
Seungri: I promise. 
GD: Good. Now, come here you cow! (pulls Seungri in for a hug)
THE END!

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⏰ Last updated: Aug 01, 2020 ⏰

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