Alpha's Choice

Chapter 31 Checks in Boxes

Xenobia's POV

The shock on Xavier's was real, as I watched his face warp with processing the information. I hadn't intended to drop this ball on him. I was still processing it myself, and I was angry. His bedroom may have taken that hit.

It wasn't the fact that I was pregnant. It was all the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy. It was the illegitimacy of it all and how unacceptable it would be deemed. Despite all the contributing factors I was the most worried Xerxes could have hurt the child. I knew I wanted Xavier's child.

I was looking up into vast depths of his eyes waiting for words, but none came. After a few minutes of silence, he placed me down on his bed. "Can I trust you alone for a few minutes while I go get the doctor?" I nodded in response. Yet I was still waiting for a reaction from him.

Normally he would just call, but he seemed like he was welcoming the escape. The air had become as thick as smoke. I tried to read something, anything from him but all that radiated from him was more silence.
It was exactly like when I found him in the woods. How could you just shut your emotions down with your mate?

He exited the room wide-eyed but without a sound. It dashed the little bit of hope I had about the situation. I genuinely thought nothing would make Xavier happier than to be a father. Sure this child has saved my life forever, but it's made me weak in the means that I will never be able to earn my redemption. It will always be considered handed to me. I wanted to be able to feel worthy again. I wanted to prove myself to Xavier.

Xavier returned with the doctor who joked about not being called twice in one day by the same person. Montgomery checked me over from head to toe, and even did an ultrasound scan to prove to Xavier beyond the shadow of a doubt all was well. It was relieving at least watching him make sure he was thorough. He followed Dr. Monty out when he was finished. I could hear them speaking in the hallway, but I could decipher specifics.

When Xavier walked back into the room he looked like a forlorn broken man. It jerked at my heart strings. This should be such a joyous occasion for him. He did not deserve all this negativity, and I was only making it worse.

He sat at the edge of the bed. He never turned around to face me. He raked his hands through his hair repeatedly. I tried to say something a few times, or even just reach out and touch him for comfort. Nothing I could do or say seemed adequate. He finally stood paced back and forth for a few steps before announcing, "This changes nothing!" Then he stormed out of the room.

He did not come back that night. He sent maids in to clean up and had new furniture in the room by the end of the day. He left a guard outside the door so I couldn't leave, and he had my meals brought to me. He even had my wardrobe returned to me in his chambers. All I wanted was for him to return, but he didn't. I had no idea what was going on with Xander or his mate. I could sense Xavier's presence within the house, but he avoided me.

The next day was the day of the ritual. The only solace I had was the fitted evening gown left on his bed when I stepped out of the shower. I had not even picked up a hint of anything from Xavier. It was the most unsettling feeling in the world. Xavier had never left me alone in all these years. He was always the one who reached out. When we were younger, he followed me shamelessly until I left to work for Xander.

The silence from him left a hollow void that hurt more than anything else. I didn't know how to bare this from him, and it filled me with such remorse to know when my heart had finally softened to his, his hardened to mine. It was like the ultimate self-betrayal.

I could only assume that Xander had returned since everything seemed to be proceeding as planned, but I really didn't know for sure. No one had told me anything. For all I knew I could actually be preparing for my funeral.

I sighed. I put on the beautiful royal blue gown left for me and held my head high as I planned my escape for right after the ceremony. I would not be his cast aside lover, nor would this be someone's unwanted child. I'd rather keep my pride and raise the child on my own away from the pack.

After the ritual there will be a counsel meeting with the elders to determine Xander's fate, and it will be the perfect chance to run. Everyone will be preoccupied and focused on Xander. It may be my only chance, and I need to go deep enough into hiding that even wolves can't find me.