Guide My Steps - A Zak Bagans Story

Bumper Cars

“Can’t help wondering what you’re thinking. Wherever you are. Late night movies, careless drinking…to cover up these scars. And as much as I wanna be with you, I know…” – Bumper Cars by Alex & Sierra 

*

I stretched my arms above my head, groaning quietly as the taut muscles and bones in my body released their tension from the night spent in the car. Although our mode of transportation wasn’t small in size, it had limited sleeping positions, and no matter which way I moved while sleeping, I ended up sprawling out all over Bagans. He didn’t seemed to have minded. He even made me stretch out my legs halfway through the night, setting them in his lap.

When I woke up all but fifteen minutes ago, Bagans was partially awake with Rob Zombie blaring in his eardrums.

After nudging him awake and out of the car, he promptly made use of my shoulder. Particular body parts can have some convenience other than to provide mobility, and Bagans found my shoulder and neck to be the perfect pillow. I didn’t mind, but it was rather awkward looking to have a man resting on your shoulder while you were trying to stretch.

“Bagans,” I flicked his chest.

He opened one eye, but didn’t look at me.

“You need to get off of me so we can get food in your stomach.” The gas station we stopped at to fuel up had a whole rest stop deal included, along with a Subway inside. At first, I wasn’t hungry, but with a tiny grumble from my abdomen I figured I’d at least nibble on something. Plus, I was in charge of Bagans and his wellbeing so that meant I needed to maintain a decent level of energy.

I flexed my shoulder muscles, hoping to disturb him. He grunted, closing his one eye. “Come on. Let’s get you inside.” I draped my arm over his shoulders, guiding his sleepy steps forward.

We weren’t a centimeter from the car when Bagans started to drag his feet, putting his full weight on me. Now, Bagans wasn’t big, but he wasn’t exactly skin and bones either. He was purely muscle bulked up from his every day workout routine. Once or twice a week, he invited me and those were usually days he was training with his pal, Brendan Schaub, in mixed martial arts. Many of times, Bagans got his ass kicked in the arena. They made for perfect Twitter videos, and provided me with oh so wonderful blackmail rights. 

“Really, Bagans?” I groaned, falling back into the car. It was then I felt his arms engulf me into an overbearing tight squeeze. “Can’t…breathe…” I barely wheezed past his death grip. He loosened, but was latched on tighter than a kid on a carousel.

He made this heartbreaking noise into my neck that made my stomach flop to my feet. I reached around, resting my hands on his back, feeling hard muscle beneath a thin layer of skin tense and relax as he breathed. Rubbing my hand up and down his back, I was silently thanking the heavens for positioning the SUV just right to hide our little moment. If you didn’t know us personally, you’d think some rather intense intimate actions were going on right about now. And I’d never hear the end of it if Aaron caught wind of it.

My heart sank, dropping onto the ground right by my stomach. I didn’t actual think that Bagans would get this upset over a girl we all knew wasn’t for him. Then again, you grow thicker, stronger bonds with an individual when you’ve been together for a while. Laura and Bagans lasted a little over a year. A year of fucking torture for me.

Usually quiet about my feelings, I trained myself to hide them or store them away. I bottled everything up, which was a terribly unhealthy habit. Bagans did the same thing. But he trusted me enough to share what was going on within the thick bone of his skull.

Easing my hands on his shoulders, I bit my lip, searching desperately for the right words to say. Something – a single word – that would lay everything out. Make things better. Somewhat, anyway. His breath tickled my skin when he mumbled something into my neck.