we are flowers {cake au}

chapter 10; grow (november 30)

all the pretty stars shine for you, my love.
am i that [boy] that you dream of?
all those little times you said that i'm your [boy].
you make me feel like your whole world
pretty when you cry; lana del rey

★ calum ★
luke sobbed in calum's arms.

"hey, sweetheart, you'll plant them again next year.

"i've never had to throw them out before," luke says. "mom's always done it with me."

"i'll do it. just please stop crying, luke, you're breaking my heart," calum says.

luke nods with a red face and tears in his eyes. "you do it."

calum stands up and holds his hand out for luke, who takes it. he quickly grabs a trash bag and they go outside to luke's yard.

"we-mom and i used to sing for them to grow, but we also sang for them to rest easy. c- can we?" luke timidly suggests.

calum grins a bit. "sure. what song?"

"any song."

calum begins singing blackout by muse.

"don't kid yourself
and don't fool yourself," he sings. "do you know this one?"

luke nods, and starts singing along. calum works rather quickly and he has the job finished soon enough. they go back inside and calum throws away the bag in his trash can.

luke followed calum into the kitchen and he is standing in the doorway and when calum catches his eye, he looks like heartbreak.

calum shakes his head. "do you need any thing?" he asks.

"no."

"are you hungry?"

"no."

"you're hungry. i'll make spaghetti."

"thank you."

calum goes to the pantry and collects the noodles and sauce. he fills the pot with water and then puts it on the stove to boil.

he has luke sit down on a stool at the island and then he pulls up a stool of his own. calum looks at luke and looks and looks, and luke just has a very nothing expression on his face.

"i think i liked it better when you were crying," calum says, "because at least then i knew you felt some thing."

"i just feel sad," luke mumbles.

calum asks, "what kind of sad?"

"the 'my mother died a goddamn year ago and i miss her' kind of sad. i miss her. it helped that you did the flowers but you'll never ever fill that void, nothing will."

"i don't want to fill a void, luke, i just want you to be happy."

"why do you even try? i just end up being sad," luke asks.

"i try because of days like yesterday. yesterday, when you laughed and when we were so happy."

"it's not always going to be like that, calum," luke says. calum is feeling so discouraged but he refuses to let luke's negative mind set to stop him from the happiness they could have.

"but don't you fucking dare say that you don't want it to be like that!" calum shouts. he's not angry, he's nowhere near angry with luke, but he's frustrated and passionate.

luke breaks down into a sobbing puddle of tears. "i do, i want it to be like that every single day!"

"will you try, then? i can't be the only one trying."

"i'll try. can i have a hug?" luke asks.

calum smiles and laughs a little. he stands up and goes to luke for a hug. he squeezes him so hard that he's afraid that if he squeezes his any harder, his bones will be crushed.

"i love you," calum says. "i love you. you deserve every thing. i'd give you the world, if you wanted it."

luke just accidentally continues sobbing into calum's shoulder. they hug until calum hears the water boiling.

during the ten minutes of boiling pasta, luke considerably cheers up and decides to set the table nicely.

"do you have any candles, babe? we are having a fancy dinner tonight. very classy," luke says.

"of course i have candles. what kind of ladies man doesn't have candles?" calum replies.

"except i'm not a lady. what kind of luke's man doesn't have candles, i think you meant," luke jokes.

calum laughs. "my bad. what kind of luke's man. the candles are in the drawer in the living room."

luke runs to fetch a few candles and sets them on the table and lights them. calum continues to stir the noodles and sauce and all he can think about is that he'd love for this moment to last forever (even though he'd told luke that he wasn't the cheesy 'forever' type of guy).

when dinner is finally done cooking, calum serves the two of them and they eat dinner in the candle light.

"i love you," luke says.

calum notices how luke is only ever very confident when he tells calum that he loves him. it makes him feel happy that he is so sure about it. it also makes him feel worried that even though he says it so boldly, it's wrong, and one of them will be hurt by the other in the end, but he doesn't think about that now. right now is happy.

no matter how negatively he thinks, calum can't help but look at luke like he's every thing. and he can't help but wonder if he really loves him.

"stop it," luke tells him. "i can tell what you're thinking. i love you," he smiles. "i really do. i can't imagine a circumstance i'd like better than this one."

that's a big statement. there are a lot of circumstances in the world that could possibly happen.

"please don't depend on me for your happiness," calum says. "i just don't want you to be too invested in me if i ever flake out or something."

luke grins. "are you planning on flaking out?"

"no, but if some thing ever happens-i want you to be happy."

luke just nods and continues eating. things brighten up when luke finishes his spaghetti so calum twirls spaghetti on to his fork and holds it out for luke to eat.

"i love you," luke says again, and calum feels like a tear in a shirt that's been sewn back together and he holds his breath.

· 。* 。· 。* 。·

so there it is. what do you think of luke being so open to love and calum being so worried about it?

so im going to have a christmas chapter coming soon and im really sorry because I wanted the Christmas chapter to come before Christmas in real life but it just didn't work out that way. I'll also have a New Years chapter too probably.

so I'm kind of feeling pretty shitty and there's some pretty shitty stuff coming up in chapter 12 I believe. I'm going on a short two hour trip but I will write in the car. at first when I started feeling like shit I was worried because I thought maybe I wouldn't be able to write but I will be able to write better than ever I think because I'm rly angry at myself and I'm able to relate to a character so that's like the only good thing that can come out of how I'm feeling. stay tuned !!

also 2 chapters in one day??? I have a thousand stored up so why not

-M