Tallymark AU

First time in years

Your name is Michael Jones and you've always had marks. They all scar over in the end though. You're so afraid to give your love to anyone. If you do, you run the risk of loosing them again. It's why you can't give your love to Gavin.

There's no one else in the world you could give it to where it would be safer. He's you best-friend, but your convinced you're a curse to everyone.

It's been about a month since you figured out about Gavin's tally mark. It hasn't faded and even though you ask him about how he feels, he always says he's fine. You can tell he's not though, he looks tired and there's a bit of self hatred in everything he does. Like he believes he's not good enough for you.

You wish he would understand that he could be good enough for anyone. That its you who's not good for anyone .

You're finally starting to mend your relationship with Gavin, it seems you can be friends again. Until now he has been distant around you. He's finally smiling with you though.

"Hey Gavin, boo!" Gavin's in-game character falls face first into the ground as you run a car over him in GTA.

"Micool!" he yelps.

The room mocks "micool!" Back to him.

"You just bloody came out of know where!" He's laughing and smiling and your smiling. You look over to him, his smile could bring a smile to your lips if your dog just died. His laugh could brighten your entire day. God, you love him.

"Motherfucker!" You drop your controller and clutch your arm. It's a familiar pain and your now panicking a bit inside. You look up to him and he's rubbing his arm, his face twisted in discomfort.

You look at your own arm and find a little black mark surrounded by scared ones. Gavin gasps slightly next to you and you both look each other in the eye. You swollen thickly.

"Everything alright over there boys?" Jack looks to both of you.

"Yah, Michael's just being a twat." Gavin puts on the best fake smile you've ever seen. " A right asshole."

He looks at you and you get it. He's saving your ass. Play along. "It's your fault" you put on a smirk and get up, wrapping your arm around his neck and digging your knuckles into his scalp playfully.

"Oi!" he struggles trying to push you off and you let go laughing. When you sit back down he smiles at you. You nod a thanks to him.

You have to have a serious chat with him.

////////////////////////////////////

"Wait!" You grab Gavin's arm, before he can leave the office to go home, and pull him back in, closing the door.

"Yes, Michael?" The smile he gives you is filled with fondness.

"I." You look away. "Gavin I know what you think but I can't."

His smile falls. "Michael. Black is black."

"I know what it is." You grab both his hands and look him in the eye. "I. Can. Not."

He pulls his hands away. "What's wrong with me?" His eyes are tearing up. "Why am I not good enough?"

"No, Gavin-"

He cuts you off. "No, I'm tired of hearing all this bullshit. You are not a curse, okay?" He glares at you and then looks away. "Your everything to me." You see the tears fall from his face as he looks back, his anger turned to sorrow. He shakes his head and closes his eyes.

You move to put a hand on his shoulder but find your fingers sliding against his cheek, he opens his eyes slowly to look at you. "I'm sorry" it's the only thing you can think of but you know it doesn't do a justice.

He slides his fingers against your hand and slowly removes your hand from his face. "Why?" His voice is strained, it makes you so much more guilty.

"I'm scared, Gavin."

"Can we try? At least?"

You sigh. He's not going to stop, especially now.

"Please, if it doesn't work out, If you don't like it, you can always leave."

"That will hurt a lot you know?"

He nods. "I know."

You smile slightly, "okay, just a try. I don't want anyone to know at work though. Okay? Not even Geoff."

He grins wide and suddenly you find your being hugged. "I promise." He nuzzles his face into your shoulder.

It's the first time in years you've had this kind of contact from a loved one. You close your eyes and wrap your arms around him. When he pulls away from your embrace he smiles.

You smile back at him. "Better run home."

He nods and opens the door leaving with a small wave. "Cya tomorrow."

"Cya." You look down at the little black mark. You hope to god this is your lucky break.