The Force In Your Hands

Fear

I lay in bed on my back and stared at my dark red ceiling. This color had a calming impact on me, so I felt more at home, comfortable and secure. Anytime I was in a very bad mood, I would look up to it.
Claire had been very confused when I came back home before school had even started. I just explained it with "I feel sick" and rushed into the bathroom. Then I tossed a cold load of water into my face and took a look in the mirror. A pale and tired-looking face looked back at me. In case of looking like that, anybody would believe me if I said "I feel sick".
I sneaked into my room and there I was now, asking myself the same questions all the time. What did this dream mean that I had been dreaming for almost every night by now? And also, why me? I could ask myself those questions so often and I had to realize that I didn't make any progress.
Even a strange dream interpretation thing I asked on the internet didn't get me any further.
After some time it knocked on my door and Claire looked at me and asked cautiously, "Luna? Are you hungry?"
"No. I'm not hungry," I answered, still staring at the ceiling.
"I made omelets."
Omelets. My absolute favorite. But I knew what it would be like. If I came downstairs with her, she would ask questions. And downstairs, I'd be at her mercy, but here I could still hide under my blanket and escape from the questions that could sound like: Why weren't you at school?, Are you okay?, Are you sick?, Do you want to talk?
I wouldn't tell her about the nightmare. Claire was a person that saw many things from the stars' point of view and I didn't want to have to listen to all the terrible meanings of my dream. The dream interpretation thing on the internet had been enough, and so I already knew it couldn't mean anything good. Or does the stabbing have a positive side when you're clinging to life?
Also, I didn't really want to talk. So I stayed under my blanket and didn't answer anymore. Claire understood and went downstairs again. I loved this about her. She just let me do my stuff but helped me as much as possible.
I still lay on my bed, without the blanket by now. I was tired and exhausted, but I was too scared to fall asleep. Too scared that the dream would haunt me again.
So I just looked at the dark red of my ceiling.
After a while, the doorbell rang. I looked at my alarm clock which had been broken for two months now and didn't ring anymore, but at least it still showed the time. It was afternoon. 2:37 pm.
From downstairs I heard Alex and Claire's voices. He had come over to look after me, at least my feeling told me. He was the kind of person who would always care for his friends and everything he loved.
But I didn't jump up as per usual to run downstairs and greet him. I just stayed on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Even as Alex came into my room, I didn't look at him.
"Hey, Moonshine. Are you okay? You rushed off so suddenly. We didn't even make it half the way."
I stayed silent for a while and tried to find the right words. Should I tell him or not?
"I'm fine, Alex. Believe me." My voice cracked a bit. I was a bad liar. But the words sounded so easy in my head.
"I don't believe a word you just said."
"I thought so," I laughed hoarsely, but I still didn't look at him.
"So, what's the matter?"
I stayed silent.
"You can trust me." I knew I could trust Alex, but I didn't know whether I could already talk about these fears that had been following me since the dream. I decided against it.
"It's nothing, Alex. Seriously." I was still looking at the ceiling. This red really was fascinating. Alex walked to the door slowly, "Alright, I trust you. But that doesn't mean that I believe you." After these words, he left my room. And left me alone.
I lay the way I did for a long time afterward. Stared at the ceiling, asking myself why I hadn't told him. After all, he was my best friend. My remorse bothered me. He trusted me just like that, and I had to think about it and decided against it in the end. It got late, and with this thought in my head, I fell asleep eventually.