In dreams and raindrops

Standing barefoot in the field, the sun gently kissing my face. A gentle breeze passes through the valley. The smell of strawberries. Feet wet from morning dew. Her figure in a flower patterned sundress standing just beyond my reach, beckoning me to come closer, come with her.

Everything is wet. The air. The ground. The heavy clouds above. Me.

God, I hate mud. Why does there have to be mud everywhere? I can't take two steps without sinking ankle deep into it. If only it stopped raining for two seconds maybe there would be less of it.

Working on the farm during summer. Long days spent working in the heat. Afternoons spent quietly by the lake. Going on picnics with her at the park. Talking about nothing in particular, taking solace in each other's company. She is my sun. Time stops when she smiles, and I know I made the right choice.

I just might go deaf from the rain. Who knew it sounds like a thousand drums when it rains in a forest?

I don't think there is a part of me that isn't soaked.

My body feels cold even when I know it shouldn't. It hasn't been cold for a while. Not since the end. The air is always too warm, too humid nowadays. Doesn't feel like it now. I don't know how long I can walk for. Everything hurts. I'm so tired.

Moving in together. A small one room apartment. Curled up on the couch next to her watching movies. Taking comfort in the small things. Coming back from work to see her smiling. Our balcony garden. Home cooked meals shared over easy conversation. My only wish is that's it could last forever. The two of us together, till the end of time, till the end of the earth. And the end did come.

If I sit down, I don't think I'll get back up again. I just need to keep moving. I need to find food. Or shelter. Or anything at this point. Is there even a point? Everything is gone now. Anything that the water didn't destroy, the people did.

I just need to keep moving.

Weather changing. Hotter. More rain. Drinking tea together, watching the raindrops fall. The world shifting right before our eyes. There was so much we did not know. Naïve children unaware of the coming hurricane. How could anyone have foreseen what was to come?

Why does the air have to be so moist? It's a wonder I can even breathe through all this moisture. I could barely stand Singapore when we travelled through there, and somehow this is ten times worse.

When did it start raining again?

The end came like falling asleep; slowly, and then all at once. The world fell apart as we waited for help. Help from those who had the money to help. It never came. Left alone as they retreated into underground palaces, left alone to pay for their sins. To be washed away with the mud and rain and heat. The gods were angry, and we were the sacrifice left to appease them.

It's been a while since I've seen another person. Heh, maybe by the time I do find someone, I'll forget how to talk. If there's anyone actually left.

When did I stop walking? I need to keep moving. My legs won't move. My head hurts. I'm just so tired.

I just need to rest for a moment.

Our old life is gone. The world falls apart, but we stay by each other's side. Standing side by side as the world is engulfed in fear and anarchy. Holding each other when the weight of the world was too much to bear on our own. And then she's gone, and the weight comes crashing down.

I feel I might throw up, but that would require me to have something left in my stomach in the first place. I do not. I do not and have not for a while.

I should get going soon, but my head hurts and I'm just so tired. I don't think I could get up even if I wanted to. I'll just rest for a couple more minutes and be on my way.

The loneliness is suffocating. Surely there would be no world worth living where she isn't by my side, where we do not go on hand in hand? Why must I go on when she cannot?

Because that's what she would want, isn't it? Everything she worked for, even after it seemed there would be no point to it, would be gone. The last memory of her would be gone. I need to keep trying, for her sake.

How long have I been sitting here? I can't feel my legs.

I eyes feel heavy, and I feel an odd warmth, one I haven't felt in a long time.

I need to stay awake.

If I fall asleep here, I won't get up.

I just need to s

                                t

                                    a

                                        y

                                           a

                                                w

                                                  a

                                                       k

                                                  e

                                                       .

                                                             .

                                                                 .

The ground is soft and slightly damp. I crack my eyes open, lifting a hand to shield them from the sun. I just want to rest a little more. I lay starring up at the shifting clouds. White balls of cotton against the blue skies. The morning air is crisp and cool. Wait. That's not right. I sit up. There are fields of strawberries as far as eyes can see. No mud, no rain, no suffocating moisture.

When did I... how did I get here...?

"Time to get up, buttercup. Can't have you spend the entire day napping, can I? I missed you, you know."

She stands smiling, like she did once before, in a time that has long passed. My sun.