Out Of Our Control (High School Shoey)

Ch 13- I've f*cked Up Big Time

~TWENTY MINUTES LATER~

~SHANE’S POV~

 Where is Joey? I’m sitting in Flex just staring at the empty seat Joey should be sitting in. I look up and see a boy with dark brown hair and tear-stained cheek walk all the way to the back and sit in his assigned seat next to me.

 “Joey, we need to talk.” He turns his head the other way and just stares at the desk to avoid eye contact with me. I place my hand on his arm, but immediately pull it back because his skin is freezing cold. I don’t want to get frostbite like last time.

 Another one of Joey’s developing powers we discovered not to long ago is dramatic body temperature change. When he’s angry and really pissed off, his skin is burning hot. Like really hot. One time I touched him when we were in a heat argument and I burned my finger. The burn mark is still on my left index finger.

 Last month he saw his mother drinking heavily again and he came to me, bawling his eyes out. He was so sad and depressed. I tried to hold him to comfort him but when I touched him, his skin was icy cold. I had a red mark on the palm of my hand for two weeks. If I held him any longer, I would’ve gotten frostbite and that red mark would have been way more than just a red mark. My whole freaking hand probably would’ve fallen off.

 “Joey, I’m really sorry for the way I treated you this morning. Can we go out in the hall to talk about this?” I whisper to him. He just taps the desk as another silent tear falls from his puffy red eyes.

 I walk up to Mr. Anderson and ask him for a pass. He gives it to me with no trouble and a warm smile. I return the smile before walking to the back of the classroom to retrieve Joey.

 “Joey, come on. Let’s go.” No reply or movement. “Joey, you are going to come with me and we are going to talk about this outside the classroom.” I say in my hypnosis voice.

 “We can’t use our powers on each other and you know it.” He says looking up at me. His eyes are bloodshot red and his voice is hoarse.

 “Let’s go then.” I grab his hand and lead him out of the classroom as fast as I can so I can let go of his hand without any permanent damage. I lead him into the bathroom down the hall and lock the door behind me. “Joey.”

 “What?” he says, still not making eye contact with me. He stands there with his arms crossed over his chest, staring at the ground.

 “I am truly sorry for how I reacted earlier. You told me that that stuff would be pretty intense and hard to process but I didn’t listen to you. The day we met, you told me you can’t control your killing crave. I didn’t understand what you meant then and I still don’t understand now. I know there are a lot of people that don’t understand you and I’m one of them but I’ll try. I’m here for you, Jay, and I’ll always be. I probably will never fully understand you but I will never stop trying to. Can you please forgive me?”

 “Shane, I shared a part of my life with you that is very secretive and sensitive for me and you just made me feel worse about it. Don’t you think I already know I’m a monster? Because I do. I hate myself. I hate the way I am and I’ll never love myself. No one will ever love me because no one wants to love a psychopath. I have flashbacks about theses killings and I have nightmares where the people I killed come back to life to kill my family and me.

 At one point in my life, I was at the edge of suicide. If I killed all these people, then why do I deserve to live? I took away their life so I might as well take my own in the process. I have voices inside my head telling me I’m a monster, I’m crazy, and I’m heartless. And you know what? They are exactly right.

 Some people say the best way to keep your heart from breaking is pretending you don’t have one. That’s really easy for me because I am heartless.

 I beat myself up and bag on myself everyday because I deserve it. I hate myself. Everyone hates me and no one will ever love me. That’s the truth and there’s no way in hell I can change that.”

 “Joey, I love you.”

 “No you don’t,” he says, making eye contact with me now. “I thought you did, but I was wrong. You are just like everybody else. You wouldn’t even take a second to look at the situation through my eyes. That was one of my best friends since fourth grade! Don’t you think I feel bad about it? I feel horrible and you just made me feel even more like dog shit. I thought you were different but you’re just like all the others.” He says before unlocking the bathroom door and practically running back to the classroom.

 I’ve f*cked up big time.