Autumn Angel | JHS ✔

.nine.

I look up at Hoseok, scared of his reaction. His own eyes are closed and he's breathing in through his nose and out through his mouth.

"Hobi?"

When he opens his eyes they are lined with tears. "Angel." His head tilts down and he slowly leans forward to press his lips against my forehead. The comforting gesture makes me feel safe and I close my eyes, proud of myself for being comfortable with yet another physical interaction with a male. Hoseok leans back. "When you said that men confront you...what do you mean? I don't want there to be any assumptions or miscommunication."

I swallow and avert my gaze. "It's exactly what you think it means. They try to...to touch me."

Hoseok's body stiffens and he runs his fingers through his hair. "How often does this happen?"

I inhale slowly and exhale slower. "Every couple of months. Sometimes every month if I'm unlucky."

Hoseok stands up suddenly.

"Hobi?"

"Sorry, Angel. I just can't sit there and listen to all of that. I don't exactly want to punch your wall so I'll get rid of this anger by pacing."

"Don't worry about me. My mom had me learn self-defense when I was sixteen. Usually the men back down once I say a couple of words and threaten them with calling 119, but if they're stupid enough to go past that, I scare them away with self-defense. No one has technically touched me since I broke up with my ex."

"Technically?"

I rub my ear as Hoseok continues to pace in front of me. "There are times when it's harder to defend myself, or in the process of defending myself, there's an accidental touch. Other than that, I'm fine. Really, Hobi. I'm okay."

Hoseok stops pacing and stares at me. "I'm not." He's breathing heavily and his eyes are full of angry tears. "I'm not, Angel. I'm not okay with this."

I rub my forehead and sigh, uneasy with the tension in the room. "I know you're not, but what can you do? Threaten every male in Korea and give them a warning?"

"Why can't you at least be more careful? Bring Jay with you! Or another friend! Don't walk alone at night!"

"I try!" Both of our voices are steadily rising with frustration. "Of course I try! But there are times when things just don't work out!"

Hoseok's demeanor has shifted completely. Where I'm normally used to him always smiling, that Hoseok is now replaced with someone with the most intense gaze, it makes me feel so small. He isn't screaming, but his voice has certainly raised in volume. But the volume isn't the scariest part; it's the tone. There's clear frustration and disappointment behind every pronounced syllable and the tone of his voice makes me feel inferior. At this moment, he's one of the scariest people I've come across. Even more so considering the fact that he's normally a very positive and happy person. It's terrifying to see that counterpart.

I stand up slowly and try to slyly walk over to the breakfast table. I stand behind one of the chairs and grab the back. This would be the best source of defense for now if I needed to use it.

"Angel, you can't live like this for the rest of your life. You have to do something."

I snap. "Why is this my fault now?" I scream. Tears are flowing down my face but they've always been there since the beginning of the conversation. "I'm sorry! Okay? I'm sorry that this is my fault."

Hoseok closes his eyes and takes a couple of deep breaths. Ten seconds later, he opens them, the storm inside significantly calmed down. When he looks over at me, he frowns and my hold on the chair tightens. My heart is beating so fast it feels like I've just completed a marathon. "Angel, why are you standing behind a chair?"

I keep my gaze on Hoseok. "You're angry," I answer. "People can do irrational things when they're angry."

His eyes shift again to fire. "He hit you?"

I pause for a second before giving a single, silent nod. The next second he's walking towards me with large, angry strides. I don't want to hurt him, and so I don't raise the chair. But what if I had made a bad judgement of character? I had done the same for my ex. Who's to say I wasn't making the same mistake now? Was I putting myself again in more danger? I'm left frozen in the spot, torn between how I should act as Hoseok walks closer. He stops in front of me and I tilt my head to look up into his dark eyes. Gently, he tugs me into a hug.

The automatic reaction of my body is to stiffen and push him away, but I remind myself that this is Hoseok. He isn't going to hurt me. And so, trusting myself and him, I hesitantly raise my own arms as well to wrap around him.

"I'm not going to hurt you," Hoseok says softly. I feel him rest his cheek on the top of my head. Both of us let out a sigh at the same time and both of us give light chuckles. "Angel, you've been through all of that and you've been struggling alone?"

"I feel so disgusting just thinking about it. I didn't think I could actually bring myself to talk about it."

Hoseok's arms squeeze tighter. "But you did, and I'm so proud of you. Thank you for telling someone."

He didn't say "me." He said "someone." For some reason, just that small detail alone softens my heart a little more.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"

I lean back and look up at him. "You have," I say with a smile. "I didn't think I would ever be able to hug a guy again."

He chuckles and pulls me close again. "I want to show you. I want to show you the good parts of life. You've been deprived of happiness for the first twenty-six years of your life. My goal is to make up for all of that."

I sigh in content. "I wouldn't want to do that with anyone else."

Hoseok gives me a final kiss on my forehead before stepping away. "I have to go to a meeting soon," he says with a sad smile.

I nod. "I also have a class to teach in a bit."

Hoseok takes a napkin and grabs a pen, writing down ten numbers. "Don't hesitate to reach out if you need anything at all." He extends the napkin and I take it gratefully.

"Thank you." I follow him to the door and open it for him. "Bye, Hobi."

"Goodbye, Angel."