Autumn Angel | JHS ✔

.twenty-four.

I don't know how long we sit there on the floor, crying for ourselves and for each other. But eventually, the tears stop, the sobs die down, and we're left in each other's arms as Hoseok silently rocks me back and forth and pets my hair. 

"I hate him," I hiss. "I hate him with every particle of my essence and soul." 

"Shhh," Hoseok whispers into my neck. He doesn't say anything further and I don't continue, leaving us in a heavy silence. 

Eventually, I turn around to face Hoseok. He reaches out to cup my face in his long hands and meets my gaze. Slowly, he leans forward to press a gentle kiss to my lips. "You can get through this, Angel. I know you can. And I'm going to be here with you through every step of the way." 

I sigh and just nod before leaning forward and resting my forehead against his chest. He brings me closer and just presses butterfly kisses on my face, down to my shoulder, and then up to my hair. The kisses are slow and sweet, and I try to focus on them instead of allowing my mind to wander off to the dangerous crevices of my thoughts. 

"Angel, starting today, your life will no longer be the same. Everything is going to be different, and one of the most important things that will be vital to making this work is communication. We need to understand how the other is feeling and what they want. If there is no communication, everything will fail and this will be over before you can even blink." I stay silent but lift my head to press my lip against his collarbone in acknowledgement of his words. "So communicate with me, Angel. What are you thinking? How are you feeling? What can I do to make it better?" 

I take a deep breath and lean back to meet his gaze once again. "I wish I could tell you," I whisper softly. "I wish I could tell you but I can't. How am I supposed to tell you how I'm feeling if I don't even know myself?" 

Hoseok's lips part slightly as he lets out a soft breath. "When he asked you whether I knew everything and couldn't answer him, what did he mean? If you're comfortable with telling me, I mean." 

I rub my ear and tears start to well up in my eyes again. "I-" The memory brought up makes me gag and feel disgusting and I shake my head as the tears start to fall again. A few moments later, I open my eyes to find Hoseok holding back his own tears. 

"I hate to see you like this," he whispers. "I wish I could do something." He gives me a small smile, although I'm unsure if he's trying to reassure himself or me. His mask breaks and the smile disappears as the first tears start to fall. Silently, I open my arms and he leans forward again, burying his face into my neck and sobs racking through his entire body. Seeing him cry hurt my heart as well, so I can't imagine the pain he must be feeling now. 

"I'm sorry, Angel. I'm trying so hard to look strong for you. I'm trying so hard to remain calm and solid, but seeing that bastard, hearing the things he said to you, and now you being like this, it's so difficult to remain composed. How do you do it, Angel? How do you remain so strong?" 

I turn my head and press a kiss to his ear. "Life goes on, doesn't it? What else can you do but move forward? How do you do it, Hobi? How do you live such a restricted life with no privacy, receiving so much hate, but still plastering on a smile for the sake of people you don't even know?" 

Hoseok's shoulders lift in a shrug and he leans back. "I honestly don't know. You get used to it and tell yourself to live day by day. Continue moving forward because that's all you're left to do. Fake it until you make it. And the struggles I go through that you admire me for, you will have to face as well. But I'm going to be here for you to help you through it. Support, Angel. You're always going to have my support. In anything you do." 

My arms tug him closer as I press a kiss to his lips. "I don't deserve you," I whisper after pulling away. 

"I don't deserve you," he replies, his lips brushing against mine.